Hi-ho! Hi-ho! It's off to work...

Gadzooks being upright and conversational for four hours a day is tough stuff!  I started back at work part time at the end of September and I'm still reeling.  I'm completely wasted at the end of the day and have to convince myself that eating and changing into pajamas before crashing are good ideas.  Weekends are just recovery days and I'm starting to resent my couch a bit.  I'd rather be doing weekend things, not just recovering from and preparing for another work week.

With the return to work came the return of some abdominal pain.  Though it isn't as severe as before my leave of absence it was kind of crushing emotionally.  I should know by now that no recovery occurs without ups and downs but I was really hoping to be on the slow but persistent incline.  The only changes were returning to work and eating more overcooked chicken.  As I can't remove the work component I cut out the chicken.  This is somewhat counterproductive as more protein is pretty much the only thing all my health practitioners agree on for a process forward.  Sadly the stabbing pain went away within a few days of removing chicken from my diet.  I can't decide if that is the right or wrong kind of reinforcement.  I've turned to pumpkin seed protein powder as an additive and so far so good.

Food.  It looks like this:

I honestly can't tell if it is my breakfast (gluten free whole grains, soaked and 6+ hour cooked) or my lunch (congee and roasted veggie soup, 6+ hour cooked) as they look exactly the same.  I doctor my dishes up with pumpkin seed butter, sesame oil, chickpea miso, and spices like ginger and cinnamon (warming as opposed to cooling spices).  It's not so bad but it is getting old.  My food trials are very long as I have to gradually increase the amounts from a single bite up to a serving but no more than one food experiment a day.  Now that my pain is mostly checked I want to do the lentil experiment.

I'm learning a lot about how to prepare and eat food that is essentially pre-digested.  All the soaking is done with a couple of tablespoons of unfiltered apple cider vinegar.  I've read that soaking with a strip of kombu achieves the same goal but my nutritionist is on the vinegar bandwagon so for now that's my pretreatment.  My soup and congee is prepared with homemade bone broth and vegetable stock (or Better Than Bouillon if I'm lazy) .  At least that process leaves my house smelling delicious.  For my soups I've been playing with the Flavor Bible for food combos.  I pick something new, roast the veggies, and purée.  Last time I added tahini to the blender and it made it so nice and creamy that I've been adding some sort of seed butter to all my dishes.

It makes me really happy to use my herb garden in pots on my patio for my stock/broth.  I was able to harvest some today before the forecasted deluge began.  There's a pretty spider out there and we've finally concluded negotiations for a web building site.  All summer we'd go back and forth.  "No, really, I'm going to use the chair so you should pick a different anchor."  Sure enough, the next morning there would be a minor destructive effort on my part so I could sit down.  Now the web is positioned next to my table and chairs so I can admire it without undermining its structural integrity.

I decided to look up what kind of spider it is after taking some awkward phone pictures.

Ventral:

Dorsal:

Firstly, I don't recommend googling "red and cream striped spider" if you have an irrational fear of spiders.  Hunting through pictures was rather difficult for me.  I persisted in the name of understanding and discovered my lovely is an orb weaver, Araneus diadematus, commonly known as the European Garden Spider.  Even my garden inhabitants are anglophiles!  I wonder if she watches BBC programming with me through the window...

Physical therapy exercises start off my daily routine.  While my hip pain hasn't diminished, apparently my leg mobility has improved, muscles are now firing in proper order, and my pelvis is situated in the correct position while moving.  I guess when I'm standing the right pelvis is katywompus.  The wrenching that goes on in my sessions must look very odd to a bystander.  Always looking to the bright side, my therapist said that the one benefit to my being so underweight is that it makes finding and analyzing my different muscles very easy.  Here's hoping that the improvements continue and I'm able start exercising soon.

Speaking of exercise, I am taking on restorative yoga.  It is more stretching meditation than workout, but that's all the movement that is allowed at present.  Most people don't do restorative as a daily practice so I'm trying to figure out which studios offer it when so I can go a few times a week.  There's one studio in walking distance from home so I think I'll probably hit that one up the most.  I really miss yoga and hiking so getting some small part of it back is a good thing.

Driving is still a chore for me.  I'd really like to get out of the city and drive through the mountains but it is too much of a trial to go that far.  I'm contemplating a trip to Leavenworth or Winthrop because you can get there in a car, it's smack dab in the middle of gorgeous scenery, and there's stuff to see in town.  Ideally I'd like to spend the night but that makes a kitchen more of a necessity and that makes it spendy.  There has to be a window where I'm not overtired from driving that distance and can still enjoy the destination before I'm back to regular exercise.

So for now I disappear into other worlds courtesy of books, BBC, and browsing my DVD collection.

Computer is hanging in there but I think I've decided on a tablet with after market keyboard in lieu of another laptop.  Now to wait until I lose patience with the current issues, or Cést Moi dies all together.  C'est moi is my laptop that is dying.  I try to name all my electronics with 's' sounding names.  I don't know when it started but it's been fun to continue.

Insurance is still a mess.  Nutritionist provider appeal denied for the second time for no reason given and the Atlanta claims have been removed from the insurance website.  It's like they have a vendetta against me.  Oh to be healthy and to not have to deal with them so much.

Changing Course

Rant to follow.  If you'd rather skip, go until you see "Nutritionist".

I've been trying really hard to ditch the Atlanta Clinic.  After the second fast request I was very interested to see what the plan would be.  I don't know why I thought I would get a plan as every request for insight into the steps thus far have been ignored.  They were much less detailed about this cycle, more or less saying repeat what you did before.  So, a glutton for punishment, I asked again for how they make their decisions for when to fast, how quickly to come out of it, etc.  In very snarky terms I was told that no specifics could be given as I was out of state and that I was overdue for a follow-up visit at their clinic.  HA!  As if I would waste miles or money on them now.

I avoided replying to that comment (a page out of their own book) and instead focused on the ongoing insurance money saga.  For some reason the insurance company sent them my reimbursement check.  I thought, mistakenly, that it would be easier to have the clinic cash the check once it arrived and then pay me as the insurance company considers the matter closed.  First they claimed to never have received the check.  Then they found it, magically, but said it was impossible for them to cash it as my balance was paid in full and they didn't want to claim it as income.  Next they decided that maybe they could cash it if that was okay with me.  I said yes please to that.  They agreed to cash the check but then said a delay of two weeks would be necessary before writing me my check.  You know, just to make sure the check from the crazy huge national company didn't bounce.  I still think this is absurd but kept all comments to myself and waited two weeks.  I wrote on the 15th day to say I had yet to receive the requested confirmation of the check being mailed and they responded that due to past issues with insurance companies they would need to hold it for a total of three weeks.  I kinda lost it but sent a restrained email.  I researched the regulations from the Federal Reserve and put them in the email stating that further delay was completely unwarranted and to please send a check for amount X to to address Y as soon as possible.  They email shouted back (choice sentences in bold) that I agreed to their wait and the amount was not X but half of that.  A lot of other bother about them being put upon by this whole insurance mess.

Apparently the annoying insurance company processed my claim and split it into three claims for unknown reasons.  Two of the split claims were allotted reimbursement funds.  Two checks.  Atlanta only claimed to have received one check.  So, again, I sent them all the relevant information (check number, mail date, amount) and I have yet to hear back.  Guh!  Don't they see that if they just send me my check for the entire amount I will never speak to them again?!?!  I spent the better part of that morning and afternoon ranting internally about how to crush them.  For reals.  I contemplated what regulatory body I could alert to certain practices that I know violated federal policies.  Then I realized that there was no way I was going to put that much effort into them for what would likely amount to nothing.  If they cared about federal policies they would abide by them.  And some patients are getting relief.  So good riddance.  As soon as I get my money anyway...


Nutritionist

Despite insurance being silly I've decided to see the nutritionist again out of pocket.  I get to eat whole grains now, provided they've been soaked and cooked for six hours or more.  Kind of like eating them pre-digested.  Congee is my new best friend.  Throw in some coconut aminos or miso paste and Bob's your uncle.  Delish.  And before you get going about Bob, it's a saying, not a statement about my uncle(s).  Cyclic fasting is going to be part of the plan as it is the only time I have complete relief of symptoms and sleep better.  I'm not thrilled with this but I can see the logic.  Will be starting my third fast today.

My computer has been acting up lately and I'm worried it is going to die soon.  It is, afterall, over six years old.  Pretty much the end of a computer's lifespan these days.  I conducted two backups yesterday on to two external hard drives.  And I found that not all of my pictures were where I thought they were.  Not sure how to get things off my phone and into a folder.  I researched a bit new computers and while chatting up Apple sales people realized some interesting things about my phone.  They work the cost of the phone into your monthly payments for the duration of your two year contract.  When your contract is up you can move to a new plan, upgrade your phone, or switch carriers.  The hitch is that they don't tell you that even though you've paid for the phone, they don't drop your bill to be what your plan really is.  You just keep paying the same amount until you join a new contract.  Luckily it has only been a few months since my contract was up so I haven't wasted oodles of money - yet.  Now I need to decide what to do about a computer and a phone.  And soonish.

Now that I'm more upright and mobile I'll need to slowly work in some exercise to build stamina.  My strained leg muscle that has been complaining since Feb of last year was getting pretty loud before I left work.  I didn't do anything about it because I wanted to see if the rest would make it happy once again.  Well it appears that all the rest in the world isn't going to change a thing.  I think it is actually worse for the wear.  I started seeing a physiatrist and he agrees it is likely not a bone thing and probably a muscle / tendon thing.  I got an MRI yesterday and hopefully that will shed some light on the issue.  Follow up is next week and so here's hoping that he's got an easy answer!

I found some specialty grocery stores in Everett that cater to my weird food issues and was pleased to see the prices are much better than Seattle.  Sadly, the 50-odd mile round trip makes the casual stop-in not really cost effective.  One of them offers fun, cheap classes and I signed up for one to make kombucha.  My favorite brand is Communitea but the process is the same.

I'm kitty sitting for some friends this week.  I stop by once a day and I learned very quickly that I have lost all kitty immunity I once had from living with Sugar.  My eyes start itching within a few minutes and I can even feel that my breathing is different.  Not pleasant.  I'm not ready to take on a cat again and I really don't want to take allergy shots every week.  For now, it means that my visits are shorter and I spend more time outside of the house watering plants than inside playing with the kitties.  I feel a bit guilty but at least there are two kitties so they keep each other company.  And I just have to remember to wash my hands profusely after giving them attention.  First world problems, I know.

Back to Basics

Longer time between posts because of a longer time between check-ins.  I've been trying to get some guidance on what form of protein would be best to try next but, as has been typical, there's no response.

Here's what my one real meal a day (lunch) looks like:

Mmm, salad! I add as many colors and fresh herbs as possible to simulate flavor.  The no vinegar or fun oils is killing me.  Breakfast is puréed soup and berries and dinner is reconstituted vitamins, so lunch is my favorite.

Decided to change things up a bit on the home front and pulled my china out of storage for daily use.  It's pretty and makes me happy to see it.  Due to the gold rim on the edge I can't microwave so I've kept some regular dishes for that purpose.  When I want to heat something up quickly I use those and then dump into the pretty dishes.  On the other side of that coin I've decided to use blue canning jars for drinking glasses.  They're not a color match to the china but I don't mind.  I haven't found the perfect swirl glass goblets I want for the formal place settings anyway.

Day 28 - 144.2 lb
Found out some interesting things about insurance claims.  Even if a receipt shows I've paid a practitioner in full when I submit for reimbursement the insurance company sends the practitioner the check anyway.  Now we're playing a back and forth game for getting the money back to me.  The clinic is insisting on waiting two weeks after depositing the check "to make sure it clears" before writing me a check.  As if the insurance company's check would bounce.  Gah!

Day 29 - 144.2 lb
More insurance fun.  Frustrated with the lack of response from Atlanta I'm exploring going back to the nutritionist.  I stopped previously because insurance covered nothing.  I called the insurance company and asked why.  Even though the only treatment for celiac is changing your diet, nutritionists aren't covered for treatment of a diagnosis of celiac.  Frustratingly, if I am diabetic or obese a nutritionist is covered 100%, no copay or coinsurance.  So I can eat myself into oblivion and insurance will help that, but not a genetic condition / auto-immune disease that has left me malnourished and will be a challenge for the rest of my life.  How unfair life is!

Day 30 - 144.4 lb
Ramping up the alternative doctor's visits in the next couple of weeks, directly proportional to my fed-up-edness with Atlanta.  Tante B flew in from Oz today!  Though Mom is whisking her away for some glamping it's nice to have her close and I'm looking forward to chatting with her.

Day 31 - 142.8 lb
Visceral massage.  I've been avoiding this for so long.  The idea of someone massaging my gut back to health has had me cringing in expectant pain for months.  My doc suggested again and I relented and scheduled an appointment today.  It was not at all what I expected.  Very light touch and absolutely no pain afterwards.  My insides rumbled and gurgled which apparently is a good sign.  The LMP said some interesting things about what she felt in relation to heat, breathing, and blockage of flow.  Basically from the neck up I'm fine and nothing moves well below that, whether it's heating/cooling my body, breathing normally (or while exercising), or relaxing. It's odd how many things are connected and I'm excited to see what subsequent sessions will do for restoration of all the crazy imbalances that are in my body.  My "homework" is to do castor oil packs on my belly daily, covered by a towel and hot water bottle.  Good thing I have so much couch time!

Day 32 - 142.8 lb
Winery concert!  My friends schlepped me up to Woodinville for the Gypsy Kings.  The music was great and the atmosphere was fun but I had a harder time than I thought I would watching energetic people all around me eating fabulous picnic dinners, sip wine, and laugh about all the things that have been going on in their lives.  The group I was with had creamy spinach-artichoke dip with pita chips, macaroni & cheese with caramelized onions and bacon, cornbread muffins, fried chicken, and kahlua cake.  I had 8 ounces of a reconstituted supplement powder a few hours before the concert. (Early liquid-only dinners were recommended so I can sleep at night.) Yum. Sitting in a lawn chair was a nice break from sitting on the couch but I'm glad that is the last one I signed up for this summer.

Day 33 - 141.8 lb
Totally wiped from my concert outing yesterday.  It's weird to me still that riding in a car and sitting upright for a few hours chatting occasionally can wear me out like that.  Barely moved from the couch before three in the afternoon.  The annual neighbor outdoor movie night (from when I lived in the rental house near Greenlake) is tonight.  I miss those guys.  I kept in touch by crashing periodically their weekly Sunday bike rides but I don't have the energy for that now.  It's a potluck and I was going to make my side dish but eventually decided that rest was better and I'd just use my own bowl to present a PCC salad.  This year it was a nice throwback, Sixteen Candles.  Ah the Brat Pack.  I had to leave early because of fatigue but it was cheering to see friendly faces.

Day 34 - 143.2 lb
Despairing and deflated I am.  Atlanta finally responded with orders to cycle back to a fast.  Only three days this time but it makes me sad.  I thought I would be able to work on the protein issue.  So I'm back to boiling a giant pot of vegetables for broth and trying to eat today what will go bad by Thursday without overeating. The good news is that disability was extended again so I have a little more time to figure things out before being thrown to the wolves at work.  And there are several more seasons of Poirot to watch on Amazon Prime.  I've gotten stuck into the Mistborn trilogy by Brandon Sanderson as well.  Super fun reading!

Regression

Really rough week.  Day 22 was the Pit of Despair in more ways than one and I've been crawling my way out, little by little, every day.  Fatigue has led me to start taking naps again.  I know it's bad when the best I can do in a day is put on clean pajamas after showering in the late afternoon.  With all the couch time I've almost finished transcribing the recipes from Crazy Sexy Kitchen into Word docs.  Haven't decided yet if it is a bad idea to focus on recipes for foods I can't eat.  They're pretty healthy too but I've yet to come across one that I could employ currently.

Day 23 - 146.4 lbs
Improvement over Day 22 but still in the dumps.  Cheated again but not on such a grand scale.  No immediate effects from either indulgence other than fatigue.  I would appreciate some cause and effect here.  Any information at all would be helpful to determine how to move on from this phase of my life.

Day 24 - 146.0 lbs
Slight improvement again but feeling crummy.  Super fatigued.  Made yeast-free seeded buckwheat bread.  Yes, that's cheating too.  What can I say?  I'm weak when I'm in pain and feel rotten for days on end.  It was lovely with my puréed soup.

Day 25 - 145.6 lbs
Check-in day.  I admitted to cheating but didn't confess all of it.  I'd still like to know why the badness started on Day 22 that pushed me over the edge.  Was up until one o'clock in the morning with crazy nausea.  Sucking on some candied ginger eventually did the trick and I got some sleep.  Made chocolate pudding with avocados, banana (ran out of avocados), dates, vanilla, and cocoa powder.  Mind blowing amazing.  I love my blender.

Day 26 - 144.8 lbs
My assignment (punishment) is to keep a diary again of what I eat and symptoms.  And go back to broth if feeling crummy.  Or just the rehydrated supplement mix.  Ugh.  Doubly sad day because when I went to have my daily avocado ration I realized that my Costco avocado pile hadn't softened at all since purchase because they were rotten.  All of them.  Super firm and gray inside.  Almost shed a tear.

Day 27 - 144.6 lbs
The sun is back after our thunderstorms and cloudy week so I'll be able to get back to my ten minute lay out.  I really did miss it during this last week.  I like to imagine that I'm solar powered and it charges me as the warmth spreads over my limbs, making its way to my core.  If only my fair skin could handle more than 10 minutes!  It's farmer's market day so I get to have some human interaction.  Best day of the week.  Here's hoping today will be better than yesterday for symptoms and I don't have to have broth for dinner.

Pumpkin Eater

Day 16 - 145.6 lbs
Made an executive decision again and ruled in sea vegetables, rice flour, and coconut aminos.  So I made veggie avocado nori rolls and spring rolls in rice wrappers.  No pickled ginger or Thai peanut sauce to accompany but coconut aminos with wasabi powder really hit the spot.

Day 17 - 145.8 lbs
No recollection of this day.  This is what I get for waiting too long in-between posts.  I've been spending a lot of time writing down the recipes out of Crazy Sexy Kitchen for later use.  It's been fun looking at how all the ingredients are used to make new dishes.  I'd say that almost all of them are too complicated by half.  There are frequently a full page of ingredients with ten steps or more to complete.  And several of those ingredient lists include finish recipes from other pages for similarly complicated sauces or bases.  It's nice to have complicated meals every once and again but the ratio is way off in my opinion.

Day 18 - 146.6 lbs
Check-in day.  Along with the usual details required (weight, symptoms, changes) I tried to be as specific as possible with requests for information.  I want a plan overview, milestones, anything to tell me where I am and where I'm going.  I've asked for this information before to no avail.  The questions are either ignored or brushed off with vague replies and regurgitations of basic nutritional jargon.  It is infuriating.

Day 19 - 145.6 lbs
And then there was fish (twice a week!).  And quinoa (in place of rice, if desired).  So I'm happy about the new diet items but my thirst for knowledge remains unquenched.  I honestly think the guy tried to say something meaningful but, in my mind, failed miserably.  I think this is when I decided to check out mentally.

Day 20 - 145.0 lbs
SALMON!  Baked with lemon slices.  Mmm!

Day 21 - 145.6 lbs
Banner day.  The only person in the world (that I know) who's had to deal with these crazy Atlanta guys and truly understands the food situation and mental craziness of this plan invited me over for lunch.  She made the most lovely quinoa salad and took great care to ensure there was no gluten contamination during meal prep.  One of her kids has some allergies so she gets that aspect too.  I brought her some green juice I'd made playing with my new juicer and we took a turn in the garden harvesting some goodies for me to take home.  Such a treat!  It was like a vacation!  My favorite was some fresh oregano and a mystery plant that tasted like lemons.

We chatted about our experiences and commiserated over the lack of support and knowledge during the fasting/detox process.  She even pulled up some of her old emails.  They're almost verbatim to mine with requests for a plan and tangible milestones.  So it appears the responses I've been getting are totally part of the modus operandi for these people and they really don't care about milestones or real information.  This made me feel like checking out was a justified idea and sent me further on the path to leaving the Atlanta program mentally.

Day 22 - 145.6 lbs
I've heard it said it takes three weeks to form a habit.  Leave it to me to break on Day 22.  I think driving for my play date on Day 21 (and chatting for a few hours) exhausted me considerably.  I didn't sleep well and woke feeling slightly unwell.  I sipped my morning green juice slowly and later had some sautéed veggies before going on my daily outing.  Much to my despair, I started to feel pain and nausea.  My mood darkened and I was desperate for relief.  Instead of going home and resting in misery I tried to find some weird flours for a gluten free seitan recipe I researched online.  The result was no weird flours in stock and a boatload of cheater food to take home and tempt me.  The entire ride home I tried to think on all the reasons I should stick to the diet plan as outlined.  I tried to remember the really bad pain and nausea days and how that was likely all related to eating things my gut couldn't handle.  I'm supposed to be babying my gut, not throwing sugar and protein at it.  Once home I caved.  Hard.  I started things off with a gluten free, dairy free chocolate whoopie pie.

Oh my whoopie.

It was amazing.  The best thing I've eaten in ages.  I tried to feel guilty but couldn't.  So naturally I didn't stop there and continued my cheating spree with some Soyrizo, vegan chorizo fried up to warm (not super amazing but spicy!), along with baking my favorite gluten free, dairy free cheese pizza.  I put fresh basil all over it and ate the enter thing.  I cannot express to you the sense of satisfaction I had finishing that meal.  So I "rewarded" myself with the best brand of gluten free but real ice cream sandwich.  Cherry cheesecake ice cream in a chocolate sandwich.  B-L-I-S-S.  The carrot cake one is still my favorite but I hadn't tried this one yet and it did not disappoint.  Full enough to actually belch I laid down for a pity party nap.

And so far so good.  No weird pains, nausea or vomiting as direct consequence.  We'll see how tomorrow goes.  Hopefully I won't go off the deep end again.  I think I'm safe from that but I wish sugar wasn't so darn comforting.

Rice, Rice, Baby!

My check-in response came the morning of Day 14.  The world of rice is mine!  All my favorite kinds, so long as that's short grained and brown.  As much as I can eat, so long as that's 1/2 cup.  Banner day y'all.  Starch is in the house and in my belly.  The trouble is trying to decide how to eat it.  Do I split it up into 1/4 cup portions?  Or all at once in a single serving?  In my soup?  In my salad?  Variety is the spice of life, and since I can't have spices, I'll take variety.

Day 14 - 145.8 lbs
Rice in soup.  Very boring.  Never did like rice in my soup.  Though it made my soup meal nice and filling, a very positive change in my opinion.  As I'm bored with my soup, terribly so, I decided to mix up the order of preparation and break-down of veggies.  Instead of chopping, boiling, and simmering, I puréed and simmered.  I almost toasted the motor on my Vita-mix trying to use as little liquid as possible.  The recipe is ridiculous.  I'm supposed to be able to add three celery stalks, three carrots, an onion, one bunch parsley, two zucchini, two yellow squash, and some kale into a quart of purified water.  Ha!  Maybe the squash grow bigger in Seattle than Atlanta...

Day 15 - 145.0 lbs
Rice with sautéed veggies.  Ama-za-zing!  I shredded some fresh basil at the end for good measure.  I made an executive decision and decided that sautéing was OK.  If I'm allowed 1/2 of an avocado and olive oil as dressing for steamed veggies, clearly fats aren't a bad idea for cooked vegetables.  Best decision ever, and so far, no repercussions.  Most excellent day.

Two more days before the next check-in, which likely means three days based on their average response rate.  I don't think I'll be getting a new food to add at that time, but a girl can dream.  I try not to think too much about lentils, seeds, and nuts (oh my!) but fail miserably and frequently.

For distraction purposes I've been reading Crazy Sexy Diet and Crazy Sexy Kitchen by this superstar lady.  I do believe I will be borrowing heavily from her mantras and food practices.  There's a lot of good info in there that she's gleaned from a number of sources.  And it's one of those things for me... if you hear about it three times in a relatively short period of time you should check it out, whatever "it" is.  I spent the better part of today researching all my personal care products on the Environmental Working Group's site for rating hazards in cosmetics.  And then purging my cupboards of the most serious offenders, of which there were many.

Shocking I tell you!

I've now decided to make my own products.  I jumped on this bandwagon a few years ago but stalled as so many new hobbies do.  For now, I'm taking on facial toner and moisturizer.  Cleanser I'm leaving to the foofy experts because of my super sensitive skin.  I tried using unscented Castille soap but it was just too drying.  I went to my local foofy PCC and picked something that rated a 1 on the EWG site by Andalou Naturals.

My toner (4 oz):
rose water (5 parts), witch hazel (3 parts), and vegetable glycerin (a few drops)

My moisturizer (1 oz):
jojoba oil (2 parts), sea buckthorn oil (1 part), jasmine oil (few drops), carrot seed oil (couple drops)

I learned about sea buckthorn today.  Kinda of amazing stuff. G'head.  Click on the link.  So I mixed up my moisturizer (first timer) and applied after cleansing and toning.  Aaaaand my face turned orange.  I freaked out and ran to the trusty computer and found out these berries & seeds have a lot of beta-carotene.  Which washes off and does not stain!  Phew!  Close call as I've always thought Oompa Loompas were a little creepy.  The green hair was cool but no tangerine dream complexion please.  Now I'm considering taking a berry supplement because of omega-7, who knew about that?  I'm not sure if I bought the seed oil or the berry oil.  The berry oil is better so I'll call the store up tomorrow to see if they can tell me.  I've been spending more time and energy using all that Dandelion Botanical Company has to offer, which is a lot.  I've made tinctures, teas, and now cosmetics using their store.  Can't get enough - it's just too much fun.

And due to the wealth of information in amazon.com product reviews, I learned about Demodex mites.  Ew.

Raw Food Fumble

I don't think salads will be my savior after all.  We'll see what the quack says, hopefully this evening.  I'm still losing weight, about a half pound a day and I'm not sure how to interpret it.  Am I expending more energy than I should?  I feel like a sloth so I'm not confident this is the answer.  Is my body not utilizing the nutrients I am providing?  How do I tell if that is the case?  How do you make your body use food?  It's not like you can intimidate it or tell it that it will get to have a reward later.

I've been diligent about my sunshine intake without sunscreen, all five minutes per side.  Based on prior pink and itchy experiences I try to get out between 09:00 and 10:00 and use a timer.  The internet tells me that the UV index in Seattle right now is "high" at 6.  I remember when I was in Australia a few years ago that it felt like the sunshine was eating my skin so for giggles I decided to look up the UV index during my trip.  There were a handful of days where the index was rated as "very high" and all the rest were "extreme".  The EPA defines an extreme rating as: "A UV Index reading of 11 or more means extreme risk of harm from unprotected sun exposure. Take all precautions because unprotected skin and eyes can burn in minutes." Most days were in the low teens!  Here is the website for current levels, see the sidebar for navigation to specific historic data.

Day 11 - 147.2
Woke up with a food hangover - my term for the repercussions of eating something of which my body did not approve.  Super tired and lethargic followed by loud rumblings of discontent and many trips to the bathroom.  Rude.  I'm not sure if this is a transition thing or if my body just can't handle raw veggies.  It does great with the fresh berries.  I don't get it.

Day 12 - 146.6
I reversed my raw:steamed veggies today and it seemed like a positive thing.  Gut is still pissed off but I am not so lethargic and felt pretty good by the evening.  Maybe Day 11 was transitional and not a sign of raw veggie rejection?

Day 13 - 146.2
Today is a report day so I'm waiting to hear back what the next instructions will be.  I can't decide if I should omit raw veggies today and stick with steamed or if that's moving backwards for the wrong reasons.  There's a healing soup recipe I wanted to try but it involves mushrooms and miso.  I asked in my check-in email if either or both would be acceptable along with seaweeds/sea vegetables.  Ginger miso soup sounds tasty right about now but I'm trying to be good and not break what sometimes appear to be arbitrary rules.

Let there be salad!

Veggie soup, boiled to oblivion is now probably my least favorite thing to eat.  The prospect of getting to eat semi-solid food was great when finishing the liquid portion of this plan but oh how quickly a new norm is established!  My food dreams started to bleed over into daytime and thoughts of cheating rose ever higher in my thoughts.

Day 8 - 147.8
Trucking along.  Nothing remarkable symptom-wise but still not feeling up to snuff.  Developed a wicked sore throat that has slowly been creeping since Day 5's first tickle.  Now if I dare talk more than fifteen minutes my voice starts to go out.  Fantastic.

Day 9 - 147.4
Rough mental day.  Cravings for tasty food were so intense the only way I kept myself from going crazy was scouring my pantry for anything that smelled delicious and inhaling deeply.  The winners were truffle oil and cumin seed.  This was a report day and I made sure to write in first thing in the morning in the hopes that they would write back by evening.  My dream was to hear the new plan that involved more veggies and then run off to the store (more like slowly meander) to rejoice in all the choices.  It was not to be.  By 20:00 I was trying to decide, not whether or not I was going to cheat, but with what food item I was going to cheat.  I walked to the store just to stare at things.  I refrained, miraculously, from buying any cookies.  I did buy some sausages and crackers because I could freeze the sausages and store the crackers until later.  It just felt good knowing they would be nearby.  And I didn't cheat!

Day 10 - 146.8
Veggies be praised!  The email came in about 08:00 and I began to plan the rest of my day around what to buy and how to prepare it.  The new plan is continuing the supplements, veggie soup, and berries but adding ANY non-starchy vegetable in raw or steamed form.  Salad dressing can only be lemon juice and olive oil. And 1/2 avocado per day.  Hehehehehehehehe!  Giddyness swept over me.  I abandoned my cookbooks quickly after realizing that they were all going to include some form of carbohydrate or protein.  As much as I adore lentils, beans, eggs, and cheese, they're not on the list.  The Flavor Bible, on the other hand, was great.  I love that thing.  It's like an encyclopedia.  Food ingredients are listed in alphabetical order and it lists all the things that go well with them, super tasty combos are in bold print. Most of the time I've forgotten the links between a lot of foods and this is a helpful reminder.  So I ended up making a more complicated than necessary salad based on my favorite from the PCC deli, the "Emerald City Salad".  Mine didn't have rice or garlic but did have avocado (of course!), beets, dill, cilantro, chives, red onion, and I think that's it.  Broccoli slaw is next on the agenda.  Stomach is protesting lightly at the new introduction but the same thing happened the first day of squishy veggies.  Hoping it's just a transitional thing.  So far so good!

The End is Nigh!

Feeling good has never felt so, well, good!  I'll be moving from a liquid diet to a liquid diet plus squishy vegetables.  Basically instead of throwing away the veggies used in making my magic broth I'll be eating them.  It's sad that the idea of overcooked, boiled vegetables is appealing.  And another boon - I get to eat fresh berries.  Oh yeah, berries.  Fresh ones.  A friend was lovely and went to the store to pick me up some blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries.  On my daily walk I picked up some blackberries just to round it out.  I snuck one in on the way home, a day early.  Don't tell anyone!

Day 5 - 147.4 lbs
Repeat of Day 4 happiness though with slightly less energy.  Not much to report other than I'm cruising through all that Amazon Instant Video has to offer, and am coming to a close on the Inspector Lewis series.  At least I'm almost finished with what is available for free.  Miss Marple, check, Poirot, check.  At least the scene out my window has been lovely.  Rainier popping out from the city scape as the majestic giant it is.

Day 6 - 147.8 lbs
Same again.  Feeling pretty darn chipper though with less energy than Day 5.  Looking forward to eating but concerned that happiness might be short-lived.  I stayed up late making new, improved (w/veggies) broth avoided cheating on the ingredients, narrowly.  I feel like ginger could have been a helpful addition, for digestion and flavor, but I stuck to the boring, sad recipe.  I'll follow the rules as it would be silly to call results into question now.  I'd love to add some garlic but it hurts some people as much as it helps others so I'm afraid it will have to wait.

Day 7 - 147.8 lbs
First day of actual food.  Super grateful to have berries.  Not excited about how I felt after attempting "breakfast".  Nausea and mild pain as food hit.  Not fair.  I was able to finish my soup at lunch without incident so I'm hoping it was meet and greet jitters.  Stomach, meet food.  Food, meet stomach.  I think you used to have a lot in common!  Chat amongst yourselves while I get drinks.

Hoping the past few days of good feeling and no pain will be the first steps to a better normal.

Halfway There

I bought a scale last month because even though I felt like I was losing weight my clothes were getting more and more uncomfortable. It got to the point that I couldn't wear any pants, shorts, or fitted skirts.  Thank goodness it is summer.  I can hike up skirts higher to accommodate my ballooned waste and wear loose dresses.  Trouble was, I didn't have very many of either of those.  Instead of buying a fat bloat wardrobe I actually ended up borrowing a friend's maternity outfit that she didn't need anymore.  The pants were amazing (even if too short) because of that fabulous, gigantic front panel.  It was supportive but not tight like pantyhose can be.  It reminds me of an episode of a comedy show where the wife gives her husband "Thanksgiving pants" so he can be comfortable at the holiday table while stuffing himself stupid.  They were maternity slacks of course.  Brilliant.  I did end up buying three new dresses, one mu-mu-ish and two with drop wastes that had ruching and/or gathering.  I think I can survive the summer now.  If this is still an issue in the Autumn I'll have to reassess.  Maybe a wool mu-mu?  I'd better work on my sewing skills

Day 3 - 148.8 lbs
In mid-June I was ~165 lbs so to me the loss of four pounds over the past few days is not as dramatic as what I know I was a little over a month ago.  I fit a bit better into pants but not enough to want to wear them for more than an hour.  You'd think that fifteen pounds would make a difference.  Mind you, pre-bloating extravaganza my clothes fit at 165 lbs.  Anyway, cooped up in my apartment it doesn't matter what I wear as no one is here to see me.  I still try to get out once a day and it's bittersweet.  Lovely to be moving around in the fresh air but still surprising how hard simple things are - like crossing the street before the signal goes.  Felt much better as the day went on, my headache subsiding to its usual dull ache by the end of the day instead of a raging inferno of stabbing pain.  The only real ordeal was meeting my neighbor's crazy dogs at the elevator again.  In April they attacked me as I left the elevator and they were going in.  Thank goodness they were leashed as I escaped with a raking instead of bites as the walker attempted to rein them in.  This time I was more lucky.  I recognized them and said, "No! Not again!", and backed into the elevator (where I had been standing) as far as I could.  The walker heard me just as the dogs went berzerk and pulled them back before they could get me.  Phew!  I notified management both times and the first time they said they didn't have any dogs that matched my description (I sent a picture) living in the building and without knowing what apartment they were in they couldn't do much.  They have yet to respond to this incident.  I've decided to make a formal complaint.  It's just not okay to feel unsafe where I live.  The rest of the evening went rather well.  I actually had some energy and felt more normal - or at least more of what I think normal should feel like.  But that could have been adrenaline...

Day 4 - 148.6 lbs
I still feel chipper so I'm taking that as a good sign.  I definitely need the sunglasses while indoors still, but if that's what it takes to keep the headache monster at bay, I'm all for it.  The mountain is out and the sky is a blue haze.  Going to be lovely today and I can't help but be jealous of all the lucky people out hiking and/or camping right now.  Heck, even playing frisbee.  Soon I tell you... Soon!  The check-in yesterday was a little disappointing.  I get to check in with them every day now until they decide to stop the liquid diet.  I asked them what parameters they use to determine the end of the fast and they avoided answering the question.  They do that a lot and it drives me crazy.  It does nothing to instill confidence in them and I've never been a blind follower.  I need information people!  I've already decided that I won't be re-upping after two months.  They want you in for six and I think it's all about money at that point.  So far there's nothing they've done that wasn't on my doc's agenda (maybe I already whined about this?) and what they have done has been oodles more expensive.  My doc was waiting for my gut to settle down before doing a fast but that never happened.  So here I am.

If I didn't feel so light-headed and woozy I'd consider a liquid diet long term as absolutely nothing has made me feel decent for twenty-four hours in the last two years.  Scary thought.  If nothing else, this brief reprieve has allowed me to think that health is in sight and perhaps being able to go back to work at the end of August is possible.  Shocking!

Liquid Diet Begins

Feels good to have two days under my belt on this fast.  Though not a true fast I'm taking in about a gallon of fluids throughout the day.  I have a powder to reconstitute four times a day.  I can't stand the smell of it so I hold my breath and chug.  This is probably not the best idea given that you're supposed to take your time with food and drink to make things easier on your stomach.  Next I have some some fiber, just once a day, and then some vitamins either two or three times a day in pill form.  And then, the best part of the day, is the veggie broth.  It's homemade and from a recipe of the Atlanta clinic but for all that it is the most bland, sad thing... and I love it!  It's the only thing that resembles actual food and I find myself counting down minutes until I get to heat up my portion, one bowl twice a day.  The recommendation was one to two bowls but it's my only treat.  Oh, and I get to have some herbal tea.  All told I think I'm getting ~700 calories a day.  Not really starving but a far cry from my usual intake.  I'm not jazzed about losing wait but it's inevitable.  I keep track by weighing myself in the morning, first thing after the obligatory emptying of the bladder.

Day 1 - 153.4 lbs
The first day was a bit rough.  One of the worst headaches I've had in a while and it only worsened as the day progressed.  Took me two hours to fall asleep last night because of it.  Blech.  The hunger wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  It probably helps that over the last few months feelings of hunger and fullness have either been eclipsed by pain and nausea or my brain/gut forgot what to do in that department.  Either way it's nice to not be ravenous during this forced deprivation.  I decided to run errands on Day 1 in case I wasn't really able to on subsequent days.  This brought about an interesting afternoon.  I walked by a bowl of guacamole left out at the workplace of someone I visited and the sight of it was a jolt to my system.  I stopped and had a sharp intake of breath, totally an unexpected reaction.  I want that.  I want that badly.  This brought about pangs of regret as I had neglected to include avocados in my last meal.  Tragedy.  On to my next errand I had to jog a short distance to make a departing bus.  I tried to slip in and the doors closed on me!  The driver tried to open them from his panel but all it did was do a flutter open and close on my limbs!  Except I thought that the doors were really opening so I charged in just as they closed again - on my face!  I honestly thought there were going to be rubber smudges on my cheekbone.  Now I'm stunned from the door attack, light-headed from the brief jog, and totally rethinking not bringing a water bottle.  I was completely dehydrated by the time I got home and my magic broth never tasted so good.  And the entire time a crazy summer rain storm was raging.  Downtown between tall buildings it felt like a wind tunnel filled with buckets of rain being tossed at you sideways.

Day 2 - 150.6 lbs
Today has been a lot better.  I'm more light-headed but the severity of headache is less as is the dehydration factor.  I'm supposed to get out every day for a light walk so I headed out during a dry spell.  The weather has been much more stable today, thank goodness.  I made my way to a nearby park confident in my decision to bring neither a raincoat nor an umbrella and watched the clouds roll by overhead.  There seemed to be a fog descending on the city so I decided to head for home.  The fog bank ended up being drizzle that had me completely soaked by the time I trudged, oh so slowly uphill, back home.  The frustrating thing about all this is that the headache component makes my usual distractions from counting the minutes until magic broth time (tv, internet, reading) very difficult due to eye strain/light sensitivity.  I can only stare at the wall so long...  I have a lot of books waiting to be read and some small projects too but it'll have to be slow and steady wins the race.  Here's hoping sleep comes easier to me tonight.  Tomorrow is check-in day and I'm hoping I'll have an end date for the fast rather than a wait and see attitude.  They say four to seven days is average so I'm hoping I'm not on the long end of that.

In other news, my propeller plant is blooming and looks really neat.

It's got the same bug infestation that had me tossing out several other plants after failed treatment last month so it's days in the sun are numbered.  But for at least a little while I'll let this odd succulent be.  I would be super sad if the bugs spread to my goldfish plant so I'm trying to keep it isolated.  They look like aphids wrapped in a webby cocoon.  They prefer the newest, most tender part of the plants, and insecticidal treatments had no effect.  Sad days to lose a plant.

I can't wait to cook again.  I thought I'd miss the food more but it is the preparation and anticipation of a good meal that I miss.  It's hard for me to watch a movie without a snack so I've been staying away from my favorite films as the association is so strong.  Good thing Amazon Prime has loads of shows for me to catch up on!  Grammar Police are on vacation this summer so I'm not going to bother with prepositions being positioned appropriately.  =P  Hasta mañana.

Super Fast!

Things have not improved health-wise for me.  Much unpleasantness was to be had after the sad departure of Ms. Sugar.  Things escalated until I finally heeded my doctor's urging to take medical leave.  It's like I have IBS with a side of mono.  Pain, nausea, bloating, fatigue, GI distress, sore throat, optical migraines... there seem to be an unlimited number of diagnosis codes from which to choose for insurance claims.  I'm checking off every test my doctor can think of and so far the good news is no pathological cause.  This is fantastic because it means I don't have obvious cancer or any other condition that might require hospitalization or surgery.  It is also terrible because that leaves tricky pathological condition and/or functional issues.  I've decided to let the MDs focus on the pathology and I'll focus on the functional medicine.

I found myself some quacks (in Atlanta of all places) to work on zeroing and re-balancing my system.  If it works I've already decided the post will be entitled "How my hair dresser saved my life" based on connections to this clinic in Atlanta.  After paying them a small fortune for slightly unorthodox tests I'm due to start a 4+ day fast.  The actual amount of days depends on progress during the fast.  It's not a true fast as I'll be drinking water, veggie broth, and taking vitamins but it's the most extreme thing I will have done so far.  If I'm being honest I'm a bit nervous about the whole thing.  I stand to drop a significant amount of weight, energy, and ability to care for myself.  Luckily I have good friends that are willing to pitch in and do store runs for me.  I've recruited my mother for quick apartment cleanings - don't look at me like that, she loves to clean - so I think I have most of my bases covered.  Amazon Prime will be my savior for tv shows and there's no shortage of books waiting to be read either.  I think what I'm most concerned about is if this is just the next thing to try that has no affect on my condition.  I have other ideas lined up of course, being the planner that I am, but I would really like to be done with all this and get back to being a productive member of society.  There are things I want to do people!!!

I toyed fairly seriously with the idea of getting a cat but decided it would be selfish at this point.  If there was anything that needed tending to with the new kitty, I wouldn't be able to do much about it.  All in good time.  Trying to check my needs off the list before adding anyone else's.  In the interim I hope to have kitty love by visiting friends.  All of the fluff and none of the litter.  It's a bit like being an aunt!  My intent is to have a Korat one day so I can revel in all the awesomeness of a cat without the allergies.

The weather looks to be pleasant for the next week or so, not too hot, so convalescing at home should be nice enough.  I'm supposed to get "sun therapy" every day.  That would be unprotected sun exposure to as much skin as possible for 15-30 minutes. {snort}  I tried this a couple of weeks ago, knowing the recommendation would be coming, and laid out three days in a row for ten minutes each side.  I got all pink and itchy with burn/tan lines and everything after the third day.  Aaaaaand done with that experiment.  I'll give five minutes a side a go next time and see how that fares.  Sheesh.  Can you get more pale than that?

Oh and my latest career idea is to be a naturopath.  In research mode now.  We'll see how it goes.  Very excited at the prospect but I'm at least a year out.  On a side note, there are no fun pictures to go with this post.  Google "Korat" instead and prepare yourself for beautiful gray kitties with green eyes.  Cheers!