Rant to follow. If you'd rather skip, go until you see "Nutritionist".
I've been trying really hard to ditch the Atlanta Clinic. After the second fast request I was very interested to see what the plan would be. I don't know why I thought I would get a plan as every request for insight into the steps thus far have been ignored. They were much less detailed about this cycle, more or less saying repeat what you did before. So, a glutton for punishment, I asked again for how they make their decisions for when to fast, how quickly to come out of it, etc. In very snarky terms I was told that no specifics could be given as I was out of state and that I was overdue for a follow-up visit at their clinic. HA! As if I would waste miles or money on them now.
I avoided replying to that comment (a page out of their own book) and instead focused on the ongoing insurance money saga. For some reason the insurance company sent them my reimbursement check. I thought, mistakenly, that it would be easier to have the clinic cash the check once it arrived and then pay me as the insurance company considers the matter closed. First they claimed to never have received the check. Then they found it, magically, but said it was impossible for them to cash it as my balance was paid in full and they didn't want to claim it as income. Next they decided that maybe they could cash it if that was okay with me. I said yes please to that. They agreed to cash the check but then said a delay of two weeks would be necessary before writing me my check. You know, just to make sure the check from the crazy huge national company didn't bounce. I still think this is absurd but kept all comments to myself and waited two weeks. I wrote on the 15th day to say I had yet to receive the requested confirmation of the check being mailed and they responded that due to past issues with insurance companies they would need to hold it for a total of three weeks. I kinda lost it but sent a restrained email. I researched the regulations from the Federal Reserve and put them in the email stating that further delay was completely unwarranted and to please send a check for amount X to to address Y as soon as possible. They email shouted back (choice sentences in bold) that I agreed to their wait and the amount was not X but half of that. A lot of other bother about them being put upon by this whole insurance mess.
Apparently the annoying insurance company processed my claim and split it into three claims for unknown reasons. Two of the split claims were allotted reimbursement funds. Two checks. Atlanta only claimed to have received one check. So, again, I sent them all the relevant information (check number, mail date, amount) and I have yet to hear back. Guh! Don't they see that if they just send me my check for the entire amount I will never speak to them again?!?! I spent the better part of that morning and afternoon ranting internally about how to crush them. For reals. I contemplated what regulatory body I could alert to certain practices that I know violated federal policies. Then I realized that there was no way I was going to put that much effort into them for what would likely amount to nothing. If they cared about federal policies they would abide by them. And some patients are getting relief. So good riddance. As soon as I get my money anyway...
Nutritionist
Despite insurance being silly I've decided to see the nutritionist again out of pocket. I get to eat whole grains now, provided they've been soaked and cooked for six hours or more. Kind of like eating them pre-digested. Congee is my new best friend. Throw in some coconut aminos or miso paste and Bob's your uncle. Delish. And before you get going about Bob, it's a saying, not a statement about my uncle(s). Cyclic fasting is going to be part of the plan as it is the only time I have complete relief of symptoms and sleep better. I'm not thrilled with this but I can see the logic. Will be starting my third fast today.
My computer has been acting up lately and I'm worried it is going to die soon. It is, afterall, over six years old. Pretty much the end of a computer's lifespan these days. I conducted two backups yesterday on to two external hard drives. And I found that not all of my pictures were where I thought they were. Not sure how to get things off my phone and into a folder. I researched a bit new computers and while chatting up Apple sales people realized some interesting things about my phone. They work the cost of the phone into your monthly payments for the duration of your two year contract. When your contract is up you can move to a new plan, upgrade your phone, or switch carriers. The hitch is that they don't tell you that even though you've paid for the phone, they don't drop your bill to be what your plan really is. You just keep paying the same amount until you join a new contract. Luckily it has only been a few months since my contract was up so I haven't wasted oodles of money - yet. Now I need to decide what to do about a computer and a phone. And soonish.
Now that I'm more upright and mobile I'll need to slowly work in some exercise to build stamina. My strained leg muscle that has been complaining since Feb of last year was getting pretty loud before I left work. I didn't do anything about it because I wanted to see if the rest would make it happy once again. Well it appears that all the rest in the world isn't going to change a thing. I think it is actually worse for the wear. I started seeing a physiatrist and he agrees it is likely not a bone thing and probably a muscle / tendon thing. I got an MRI yesterday and hopefully that will shed some light on the issue. Follow up is next week and so here's hoping that he's got an easy answer!
I found some specialty grocery stores in Everett that cater to my weird food issues and was pleased to see the prices are much better than Seattle. Sadly, the 50-odd mile round trip makes the casual stop-in not really cost effective. One of them offers fun, cheap classes and I signed up for one to make kombucha. My favorite brand is Communitea but the process is the same.
I'm kitty sitting for some friends this week. I stop by once a day and I learned very quickly that I have lost all kitty immunity I once had from living with Sugar. My eyes start itching within a few minutes and I can even feel that my breathing is different. Not pleasant. I'm not ready to take on a cat again and I really don't want to take allergy shots every week. For now, it means that my visits are shorter and I spend more time outside of the house watering plants than inside playing with the kitties. I feel a bit guilty but at least there are two kitties so they keep each other company. And I just have to remember to wash my hands profusely after giving them attention. First world problems, I know.
Friday, September 12, 2014
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Back to Basics
Longer time between posts because of a longer time between check-ins. I've been trying to get some guidance on what form of protein would be best to try next but, as has been typical, there's no response.
Here's what my one real meal a day (lunch) looks like:
Mmm, salad! I add as many colors and fresh herbs as possible to simulate flavor. The no vinegar or fun oils is killing me. Breakfast is puréed soup and berries and dinner is reconstituted vitamins, so lunch is my favorite.
Decided to change things up a bit on the home front and pulled my china out of storage for daily use. It's pretty and makes me happy to see it. Due to the gold rim on the edge I can't microwave so I've kept some regular dishes for that purpose. When I want to heat something up quickly I use those and then dump into the pretty dishes. On the other side of that coin I've decided to use blue canning jars for drinking glasses. They're not a color match to the china but I don't mind. I haven't found the perfect swirl glass goblets I want for the formal place settings anyway.
Day 28 - 144.2 lb
Found out some interesting things about insurance claims. Even if a receipt shows I've paid a practitioner in full when I submit for reimbursement the insurance company sends the practitioner the check anyway. Now we're playing a back and forth game for getting the money back to me. The clinic is insisting on waiting two weeks after depositing the check "to make sure it clears" before writing me a check. As if the insurance company's check would bounce. Gah!
Day 29 - 144.2 lb
More insurance fun. Frustrated with the lack of response from Atlanta I'm exploring going back to the nutritionist. I stopped previously because insurance covered nothing. I called the insurance company and asked why. Even though the only treatment for celiac is changing your diet, nutritionists aren't covered for treatment of a diagnosis of celiac. Frustratingly, if I am diabetic or obese a nutritionist is covered 100%, no copay or coinsurance. So I can eat myself into oblivion and insurance will help that, but not a genetic condition / auto-immune disease that has left me malnourished and will be a challenge for the rest of my life. How unfair life is!
Day 30 - 144.4 lb
Ramping up the alternative doctor's visits in the next couple of weeks, directly proportional to my fed-up-edness with Atlanta. Tante B flew in from Oz today! Though Mom is whisking her away for some glamping it's nice to have her close and I'm looking forward to chatting with her.
Day 31 - 142.8 lb
Visceral massage. I've been avoiding this for so long. The idea of someone massaging my gut back to health has had me cringing in expectant pain for months. My doc suggested again and I relented and scheduled an appointment today. It was not at all what I expected. Very light touch and absolutely no pain afterwards. My insides rumbled and gurgled which apparently is a good sign. The LMP said some interesting things about what she felt in relation to heat, breathing, and blockage of flow. Basically from the neck up I'm fine and nothing moves well below that, whether it's heating/cooling my body, breathing normally (or while exercising), or relaxing. It's odd how many things are connected and I'm excited to see what subsequent sessions will do for restoration of all the crazy imbalances that are in my body. My "homework" is to do castor oil packs on my belly daily, covered by a towel and hot water bottle. Good thing I have so much couch time!
Day 32 - 142.8 lb
Winery concert! My friends schlepped me up to Woodinville for the Gypsy Kings. The music was great and the atmosphere was fun but I had a harder time than I thought I would watching energetic people all around me eating fabulous picnic dinners, sip wine, and laugh about all the things that have been going on in their lives. The group I was with had creamy spinach-artichoke dip with pita chips, macaroni & cheese with caramelized onions and bacon, cornbread muffins, fried chicken, and kahlua cake. I had 8 ounces of a reconstituted supplement powder a few hours before the concert. (Early liquid-only dinners were recommended so I can sleep at night.) Yum. Sitting in a lawn chair was a nice break from sitting on the couch but I'm glad that is the last one I signed up for this summer.
Day 33 - 141.8 lb
Totally wiped from my concert outing yesterday. It's weird to me still that riding in a car and sitting upright for a few hours chatting occasionally can wear me out like that. Barely moved from the couch before three in the afternoon. The annual neighbor outdoor movie night (from when I lived in the rental house near Greenlake) is tonight. I miss those guys. I kept in touch by crashing periodically their weekly Sunday bike rides but I don't have the energy for that now. It's a potluck and I was going to make my side dish but eventually decided that rest was better and I'd just use my own bowl to present a PCC salad. This year it was a nice throwback, Sixteen Candles. Ah the Brat Pack. I had to leave early because of fatigue but it was cheering to see friendly faces.
Day 34 - 143.2 lb
Despairing and deflated I am. Atlanta finally responded with orders to cycle back to a fast. Only three days this time but it makes me sad. I thought I would be able to work on the protein issue. So I'm back to boiling a giant pot of vegetables for broth and trying to eat today what will go bad by Thursday without overeating. The good news is that disability was extended again so I have a little more time to figure things out before being thrown to the wolves at work. And there are several more seasons of Poirot to watch on Amazon Prime. I've gotten stuck into the Mistborn trilogy by Brandon Sanderson as well. Super fun reading!
Here's what my one real meal a day (lunch) looks like:
Decided to change things up a bit on the home front and pulled my china out of storage for daily use. It's pretty and makes me happy to see it. Due to the gold rim on the edge I can't microwave so I've kept some regular dishes for that purpose. When I want to heat something up quickly I use those and then dump into the pretty dishes. On the other side of that coin I've decided to use blue canning jars for drinking glasses. They're not a color match to the china but I don't mind. I haven't found the perfect swirl glass goblets I want for the formal place settings anyway.
Day 28 - 144.2 lb
Found out some interesting things about insurance claims. Even if a receipt shows I've paid a practitioner in full when I submit for reimbursement the insurance company sends the practitioner the check anyway. Now we're playing a back and forth game for getting the money back to me. The clinic is insisting on waiting two weeks after depositing the check "to make sure it clears" before writing me a check. As if the insurance company's check would bounce. Gah!
Day 29 - 144.2 lb
More insurance fun. Frustrated with the lack of response from Atlanta I'm exploring going back to the nutritionist. I stopped previously because insurance covered nothing. I called the insurance company and asked why. Even though the only treatment for celiac is changing your diet, nutritionists aren't covered for treatment of a diagnosis of celiac. Frustratingly, if I am diabetic or obese a nutritionist is covered 100%, no copay or coinsurance. So I can eat myself into oblivion and insurance will help that, but not a genetic condition / auto-immune disease that has left me malnourished and will be a challenge for the rest of my life. How unfair life is!
Day 30 - 144.4 lb
Ramping up the alternative doctor's visits in the next couple of weeks, directly proportional to my fed-up-edness with Atlanta. Tante B flew in from Oz today! Though Mom is whisking her away for some glamping it's nice to have her close and I'm looking forward to chatting with her.
Day 31 - 142.8 lb
Visceral massage. I've been avoiding this for so long. The idea of someone massaging my gut back to health has had me cringing in expectant pain for months. My doc suggested again and I relented and scheduled an appointment today. It was not at all what I expected. Very light touch and absolutely no pain afterwards. My insides rumbled and gurgled which apparently is a good sign. The LMP said some interesting things about what she felt in relation to heat, breathing, and blockage of flow. Basically from the neck up I'm fine and nothing moves well below that, whether it's heating/cooling my body, breathing normally (or while exercising), or relaxing. It's odd how many things are connected and I'm excited to see what subsequent sessions will do for restoration of all the crazy imbalances that are in my body. My "homework" is to do castor oil packs on my belly daily, covered by a towel and hot water bottle. Good thing I have so much couch time!
Day 32 - 142.8 lb
Winery concert! My friends schlepped me up to Woodinville for the Gypsy Kings. The music was great and the atmosphere was fun but I had a harder time than I thought I would watching energetic people all around me eating fabulous picnic dinners, sip wine, and laugh about all the things that have been going on in their lives. The group I was with had creamy spinach-artichoke dip with pita chips, macaroni & cheese with caramelized onions and bacon, cornbread muffins, fried chicken, and kahlua cake. I had 8 ounces of a reconstituted supplement powder a few hours before the concert. (Early liquid-only dinners were recommended so I can sleep at night.) Yum. Sitting in a lawn chair was a nice break from sitting on the couch but I'm glad that is the last one I signed up for this summer.
Day 33 - 141.8 lb
Totally wiped from my concert outing yesterday. It's weird to me still that riding in a car and sitting upright for a few hours chatting occasionally can wear me out like that. Barely moved from the couch before three in the afternoon. The annual neighbor outdoor movie night (from when I lived in the rental house near Greenlake) is tonight. I miss those guys. I kept in touch by crashing periodically their weekly Sunday bike rides but I don't have the energy for that now. It's a potluck and I was going to make my side dish but eventually decided that rest was better and I'd just use my own bowl to present a PCC salad. This year it was a nice throwback, Sixteen Candles. Ah the Brat Pack. I had to leave early because of fatigue but it was cheering to see friendly faces.
Day 34 - 143.2 lb
Despairing and deflated I am. Atlanta finally responded with orders to cycle back to a fast. Only three days this time but it makes me sad. I thought I would be able to work on the protein issue. So I'm back to boiling a giant pot of vegetables for broth and trying to eat today what will go bad by Thursday without overeating. The good news is that disability was extended again so I have a little more time to figure things out before being thrown to the wolves at work. And there are several more seasons of Poirot to watch on Amazon Prime. I've gotten stuck into the Mistborn trilogy by Brandon Sanderson as well. Super fun reading!
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Regression
Really rough week. Day 22 was the Pit of Despair in more ways than one and I've been crawling my way out, little by little, every day. Fatigue has led me to start taking naps again. I know it's bad when the best I can do in a day is put on clean pajamas after showering in the late afternoon. With all the couch time I've almost finished transcribing the recipes from Crazy Sexy Kitchen into Word docs. Haven't decided yet if it is a bad idea to focus on recipes for foods I can't eat. They're pretty healthy too but I've yet to come across one that I could employ currently.
Day 23 - 146.4 lbs
Improvement over Day 22 but still in the dumps. Cheated again but not on such a grand scale. No immediate effects from either indulgence other than fatigue. I would appreciate some cause and effect here. Any information at all would be helpful to determine how to move on from this phase of my life.
Day 24 - 146.0 lbs
Slight improvement again but feeling crummy. Super fatigued. Made yeast-free seeded buckwheat bread. Yes, that's cheating too. What can I say? I'm weak when I'm in pain and feel rotten for days on end. It was lovely with my puréed soup.
Day 25 - 145.6 lbs
Check-in day. I admitted to cheating but didn't confess all of it. I'd still like to know why the badness started on Day 22 that pushed me over the edge. Was up until one o'clock in the morning with crazy nausea. Sucking on some candied ginger eventually did the trick and I got some sleep. Made chocolate pudding with avocados, banana (ran out of avocados), dates, vanilla, and cocoa powder. Mind blowing amazing. I love my blender.
Day 26 - 144.8 lbs
My assignment (punishment) is to keep a diary again of what I eat and symptoms. And go back to broth if feeling crummy. Or just the rehydrated supplement mix. Ugh. Doubly sad day because when I went to have my daily avocado ration I realized that my Costco avocado pile hadn't softened at all since purchase because they were rotten. All of them. Super firm and gray inside. Almost shed a tear.
Day 27 - 144.6 lbs
The sun is back after our thunderstorms and cloudy week so I'll be able to get back to my ten minute lay out. I really did miss it during this last week. I like to imagine that I'm solar powered and it charges me as the warmth spreads over my limbs, making its way to my core. If only my fair skin could handle more than 10 minutes! It's farmer's market day so I get to have some human interaction. Best day of the week. Here's hoping today will be better than yesterday for symptoms and I don't have to have broth for dinner.
Day 23 - 146.4 lbs
Improvement over Day 22 but still in the dumps. Cheated again but not on such a grand scale. No immediate effects from either indulgence other than fatigue. I would appreciate some cause and effect here. Any information at all would be helpful to determine how to move on from this phase of my life.
Day 24 - 146.0 lbs
Slight improvement again but feeling crummy. Super fatigued. Made yeast-free seeded buckwheat bread. Yes, that's cheating too. What can I say? I'm weak when I'm in pain and feel rotten for days on end. It was lovely with my puréed soup.
Day 25 - 145.6 lbs
Check-in day. I admitted to cheating but didn't confess all of it. I'd still like to know why the badness started on Day 22 that pushed me over the edge. Was up until one o'clock in the morning with crazy nausea. Sucking on some candied ginger eventually did the trick and I got some sleep. Made chocolate pudding with avocados, banana (ran out of avocados), dates, vanilla, and cocoa powder. Mind blowing amazing. I love my blender.
Day 26 - 144.8 lbs
My assignment (punishment) is to keep a diary again of what I eat and symptoms. And go back to broth if feeling crummy. Or just the rehydrated supplement mix. Ugh. Doubly sad day because when I went to have my daily avocado ration I realized that my Costco avocado pile hadn't softened at all since purchase because they were rotten. All of them. Super firm and gray inside. Almost shed a tear.
Day 27 - 144.6 lbs
The sun is back after our thunderstorms and cloudy week so I'll be able to get back to my ten minute lay out. I really did miss it during this last week. I like to imagine that I'm solar powered and it charges me as the warmth spreads over my limbs, making its way to my core. If only my fair skin could handle more than 10 minutes! It's farmer's market day so I get to have some human interaction. Best day of the week. Here's hoping today will be better than yesterday for symptoms and I don't have to have broth for dinner.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Pumpkin Eater
Day 16 - 145.6 lbs
Made an executive decision again and ruled in sea vegetables, rice flour, and coconut aminos. So I made veggie avocado nori rolls and spring rolls in rice wrappers. No pickled ginger or Thai peanut sauce to accompany but coconut aminos with wasabi powder really hit the spot.
Day 17 - 145.8 lbs
No recollection of this day. This is what I get for waiting too long in-between posts. I've been spending a lot of time writing down the recipes out of Crazy Sexy Kitchen for later use. It's been fun looking at how all the ingredients are used to make new dishes. I'd say that almost all of them are too complicated by half. There are frequently a full page of ingredients with ten steps or more to complete. And several of those ingredient lists include finish recipes from other pages for similarly complicated sauces or bases. It's nice to have complicated meals every once and again but the ratio is way off in my opinion.
Day 18 - 146.6 lbs
Check-in day. Along with the usual details required (weight, symptoms, changes) I tried to be as specific as possible with requests for information. I want a plan overview, milestones, anything to tell me where I am and where I'm going. I've asked for this information before to no avail. The questions are either ignored or brushed off with vague replies and regurgitations of basic nutritional jargon. It is infuriating.
Day 19 - 145.6 lbs
And then there was fish (twice a week!). And quinoa (in place of rice, if desired). So I'm happy about the new diet items but my thirst for knowledge remains unquenched. I honestly think the guy tried to say something meaningful but, in my mind, failed miserably. I think this is when I decided to check out mentally.
Day 20 - 145.0 lbs
SALMON! Baked with lemon slices. Mmm!
Day 21 - 145.6 lbs
Banner day. The only person in the world (that I know) who's had to deal with these crazy Atlanta guys and truly understands the food situation and mental craziness of this plan invited me over for lunch. She made the most lovely quinoa salad and took great care to ensure there was no gluten contamination during meal prep. One of her kids has some allergies so she gets that aspect too. I brought her some green juice I'd made playing with my new juicer and we took a turn in the garden harvesting some goodies for me to take home. Such a treat! It was like a vacation! My favorite was some fresh oregano and a mystery plant that tasted like lemons.
We chatted about our experiences and commiserated over the lack of support and knowledge during the fasting/detox process. She even pulled up some of her old emails. They're almost verbatim to mine with requests for a plan and tangible milestones. So it appears the responses I've been getting are totally part of the modus operandi for these people and they really don't care about milestones or real information. This made me feel like checking out was a justified idea and sent me further on the path to leaving the Atlanta program mentally.
Day 22 - 145.6 lbs
I've heard it said it takes three weeks to form a habit. Leave it to me to break on Day 22. I think driving for my play date on Day 21 (and chatting for a few hours) exhausted me considerably. I didn't sleep well and woke feeling slightly unwell. I sipped my morning green juice slowly and later had some sautéed veggies before going on my daily outing. Much to my despair, I started to feel pain and nausea. My mood darkened and I was desperate for relief. Instead of going home and resting in misery I tried to find some weird flours for a gluten free seitan recipe I researched online. The result was no weird flours in stock and a boatload of cheater food to take home and tempt me. The entire ride home I tried to think on all the reasons I should stick to the diet plan as outlined. I tried to remember the really bad pain and nausea days and how that was likely all related to eating things my gut couldn't handle. I'm supposed to be babying my gut, not throwing sugar and protein at it. Once home I caved. Hard. I started things off with a gluten free, dairy free chocolate whoopie pie.
Oh my whoopie.
It was amazing. The best thing I've eaten in ages. I tried to feel guilty but couldn't. So naturally I didn't stop there and continued my cheating spree with some Soyrizo, vegan chorizo fried up to warm (not super amazing but spicy!), along with baking my favorite gluten free, dairy free cheese pizza. I put fresh basil all over it and ate the enter thing. I cannot express to you the sense of satisfaction I had finishing that meal. So I "rewarded" myself with the best brand of gluten free but real ice cream sandwich. Cherry cheesecake ice cream in a chocolate sandwich. B-L-I-S-S. The carrot cake one is still my favorite but I hadn't tried this one yet and it did not disappoint. Full enough to actually belch I laid down for a pity party nap.
And so far so good. No weird pains, nausea or vomiting as direct consequence. We'll see how tomorrow goes. Hopefully I won't go off the deep end again. I think I'm safe from that but I wish sugar wasn't so darn comforting.
Made an executive decision again and ruled in sea vegetables, rice flour, and coconut aminos. So I made veggie avocado nori rolls and spring rolls in rice wrappers. No pickled ginger or Thai peanut sauce to accompany but coconut aminos with wasabi powder really hit the spot.
Day 17 - 145.8 lbs
No recollection of this day. This is what I get for waiting too long in-between posts. I've been spending a lot of time writing down the recipes out of Crazy Sexy Kitchen for later use. It's been fun looking at how all the ingredients are used to make new dishes. I'd say that almost all of them are too complicated by half. There are frequently a full page of ingredients with ten steps or more to complete. And several of those ingredient lists include finish recipes from other pages for similarly complicated sauces or bases. It's nice to have complicated meals every once and again but the ratio is way off in my opinion.
Day 18 - 146.6 lbs
Check-in day. Along with the usual details required (weight, symptoms, changes) I tried to be as specific as possible with requests for information. I want a plan overview, milestones, anything to tell me where I am and where I'm going. I've asked for this information before to no avail. The questions are either ignored or brushed off with vague replies and regurgitations of basic nutritional jargon. It is infuriating.
Day 19 - 145.6 lbs
And then there was fish (twice a week!). And quinoa (in place of rice, if desired). So I'm happy about the new diet items but my thirst for knowledge remains unquenched. I honestly think the guy tried to say something meaningful but, in my mind, failed miserably. I think this is when I decided to check out mentally.
Day 20 - 145.0 lbs
SALMON! Baked with lemon slices. Mmm!
Day 21 - 145.6 lbs
Banner day. The only person in the world (that I know) who's had to deal with these crazy Atlanta guys and truly understands the food situation and mental craziness of this plan invited me over for lunch. She made the most lovely quinoa salad and took great care to ensure there was no gluten contamination during meal prep. One of her kids has some allergies so she gets that aspect too. I brought her some green juice I'd made playing with my new juicer and we took a turn in the garden harvesting some goodies for me to take home. Such a treat! It was like a vacation! My favorite was some fresh oregano and a mystery plant that tasted like lemons.
We chatted about our experiences and commiserated over the lack of support and knowledge during the fasting/detox process. She even pulled up some of her old emails. They're almost verbatim to mine with requests for a plan and tangible milestones. So it appears the responses I've been getting are totally part of the modus operandi for these people and they really don't care about milestones or real information. This made me feel like checking out was a justified idea and sent me further on the path to leaving the Atlanta program mentally.
Day 22 - 145.6 lbs
I've heard it said it takes three weeks to form a habit. Leave it to me to break on Day 22. I think driving for my play date on Day 21 (and chatting for a few hours) exhausted me considerably. I didn't sleep well and woke feeling slightly unwell. I sipped my morning green juice slowly and later had some sautéed veggies before going on my daily outing. Much to my despair, I started to feel pain and nausea. My mood darkened and I was desperate for relief. Instead of going home and resting in misery I tried to find some weird flours for a gluten free seitan recipe I researched online. The result was no weird flours in stock and a boatload of cheater food to take home and tempt me. The entire ride home I tried to think on all the reasons I should stick to the diet plan as outlined. I tried to remember the really bad pain and nausea days and how that was likely all related to eating things my gut couldn't handle. I'm supposed to be babying my gut, not throwing sugar and protein at it. Once home I caved. Hard. I started things off with a gluten free, dairy free chocolate whoopie pie.
Oh my whoopie.
It was amazing. The best thing I've eaten in ages. I tried to feel guilty but couldn't. So naturally I didn't stop there and continued my cheating spree with some Soyrizo, vegan chorizo fried up to warm (not super amazing but spicy!), along with baking my favorite gluten free, dairy free cheese pizza. I put fresh basil all over it and ate the enter thing. I cannot express to you the sense of satisfaction I had finishing that meal. So I "rewarded" myself with the best brand of gluten free but real ice cream sandwich. Cherry cheesecake ice cream in a chocolate sandwich. B-L-I-S-S. The carrot cake one is still my favorite but I hadn't tried this one yet and it did not disappoint. Full enough to actually belch I laid down for a pity party nap.
And so far so good. No weird pains, nausea or vomiting as direct consequence. We'll see how tomorrow goes. Hopefully I won't go off the deep end again. I think I'm safe from that but I wish sugar wasn't so darn comforting.
Wednesday, August 06, 2014
Rice, Rice, Baby!
My check-in response came the morning of Day 14. The world of rice is mine! All my favorite kinds, so long as that's short grained and brown. As much as I can eat, so long as that's 1/2 cup. Banner day y'all. Starch is in the house and in my belly. The trouble is trying to decide how to eat it. Do I split it up into 1/4 cup portions? Or all at once in a single serving? In my soup? In my salad? Variety is the spice of life, and since I can't have spices, I'll take variety.
Day 14 - 145.8 lbs
Rice in soup. Very boring. Never did like rice in my soup. Though it made my soup meal nice and filling, a very positive change in my opinion. As I'm bored with my soup, terribly so, I decided to mix up the order of preparation and break-down of veggies. Instead of chopping, boiling, and simmering, I puréed and simmered. I almost toasted the motor on my Vita-mix trying to use as little liquid as possible. The recipe is ridiculous. I'm supposed to be able to add three celery stalks, three carrots, an onion, one bunch parsley, two zucchini, two yellow squash, and some kale into a quart of purified water. Ha! Maybe the squash grow bigger in Seattle than Atlanta...
Day 15 - 145.0 lbs
Rice with sautéed veggies. Ama-za-zing! I shredded some fresh basil at the end for good measure. I made an executive decision and decided that sautéing was OK. If I'm allowed 1/2 of an avocado and olive oil as dressing for steamed veggies, clearly fats aren't a bad idea for cooked vegetables. Best decision ever, and so far, no repercussions. Most excellent day.
Two more days before the next check-in, which likely means three days based on their average response rate. I don't think I'll be getting a new food to add at that time, but a girl can dream. I try not to think too much about lentils, seeds, and nuts (oh my!) but fail miserably and frequently.
For distraction purposes I've been reading Crazy Sexy Diet and Crazy Sexy Kitchen by this superstar lady. I do believe I will be borrowing heavily from her mantras and food practices. There's a lot of good info in there that she's gleaned from a number of sources. And it's one of those things for me... if you hear about it three times in a relatively short period of time you should check it out, whatever "it" is. I spent the better part of today researching all my personal care products on the Environmental Working Group's site for rating hazards in cosmetics. And then purging my cupboards of the most serious offenders, of which there were many.
Shocking I tell you!
I've now decided to make my own products. I jumped on this bandwagon a few years ago but stalled as so many new hobbies do. For now, I'm taking on facial toner and moisturizer. Cleanser I'm leaving to the foofy experts because of my super sensitive skin. I tried using unscented Castille soap but it was just too drying. I went to my local foofy PCC and picked something that rated a 1 on the EWG site by Andalou Naturals.
My toner (4 oz):
rose water (5 parts), witch hazel (3 parts), and vegetable glycerin (a few drops)
My moisturizer (1 oz):
jojoba oil (2 parts), sea buckthorn oil (1 part), jasmine oil (few drops), carrot seed oil (couple drops)
I learned about sea buckthorn today. Kinda of amazing stuff. G'head. Click on the link. So I mixed up my moisturizer (first timer) and applied after cleansing and toning. Aaaaand my face turned orange. I freaked out and ran to the trusty computer and found out these berries & seeds have a lot of beta-carotene. Which washes off and does not stain! Phew! Close call as I've always thought Oompa Loompas were a little creepy. The green hair was cool but no tangerine dream complexion please. Now I'm considering taking a berry supplement because of omega-7, who knew about that? I'm not sure if I bought the seed oil or the berry oil. The berry oil is better so I'll call the store up tomorrow to see if they can tell me. I've been spending more time and energy using all that Dandelion Botanical Company has to offer, which is a lot. I've made tinctures, teas, and now cosmetics using their store. Can't get enough - it's just too much fun.
And due to the wealth of information in amazon.com product reviews, I learned about Demodex mites. Ew.
Day 14 - 145.8 lbs
Rice in soup. Very boring. Never did like rice in my soup. Though it made my soup meal nice and filling, a very positive change in my opinion. As I'm bored with my soup, terribly so, I decided to mix up the order of preparation and break-down of veggies. Instead of chopping, boiling, and simmering, I puréed and simmered. I almost toasted the motor on my Vita-mix trying to use as little liquid as possible. The recipe is ridiculous. I'm supposed to be able to add three celery stalks, three carrots, an onion, one bunch parsley, two zucchini, two yellow squash, and some kale into a quart of purified water. Ha! Maybe the squash grow bigger in Seattle than Atlanta...
Day 15 - 145.0 lbs
Rice with sautéed veggies. Ama-za-zing! I shredded some fresh basil at the end for good measure. I made an executive decision and decided that sautéing was OK. If I'm allowed 1/2 of an avocado and olive oil as dressing for steamed veggies, clearly fats aren't a bad idea for cooked vegetables. Best decision ever, and so far, no repercussions. Most excellent day.
Two more days before the next check-in, which likely means three days based on their average response rate. I don't think I'll be getting a new food to add at that time, but a girl can dream. I try not to think too much about lentils, seeds, and nuts (oh my!) but fail miserably and frequently.
For distraction purposes I've been reading Crazy Sexy Diet and Crazy Sexy Kitchen by this superstar lady. I do believe I will be borrowing heavily from her mantras and food practices. There's a lot of good info in there that she's gleaned from a number of sources. And it's one of those things for me... if you hear about it three times in a relatively short period of time you should check it out, whatever "it" is. I spent the better part of today researching all my personal care products on the Environmental Working Group's site for rating hazards in cosmetics. And then purging my cupboards of the most serious offenders, of which there were many.
Shocking I tell you!
I've now decided to make my own products. I jumped on this bandwagon a few years ago but stalled as so many new hobbies do. For now, I'm taking on facial toner and moisturizer. Cleanser I'm leaving to the foofy experts because of my super sensitive skin. I tried using unscented Castille soap but it was just too drying. I went to my local foofy PCC and picked something that rated a 1 on the EWG site by Andalou Naturals.
My toner (4 oz):
rose water (5 parts), witch hazel (3 parts), and vegetable glycerin (a few drops)
My moisturizer (1 oz):
jojoba oil (2 parts), sea buckthorn oil (1 part), jasmine oil (few drops), carrot seed oil (couple drops)
I learned about sea buckthorn today. Kinda of amazing stuff. G'head. Click on the link. So I mixed up my moisturizer (first timer) and applied after cleansing and toning. Aaaaand my face turned orange. I freaked out and ran to the trusty computer and found out these berries & seeds have a lot of beta-carotene. Which washes off and does not stain! Phew! Close call as I've always thought Oompa Loompas were a little creepy. The green hair was cool but no tangerine dream complexion please. Now I'm considering taking a berry supplement because of omega-7, who knew about that? I'm not sure if I bought the seed oil or the berry oil. The berry oil is better so I'll call the store up tomorrow to see if they can tell me. I've been spending more time and energy using all that Dandelion Botanical Company has to offer, which is a lot. I've made tinctures, teas, and now cosmetics using their store. Can't get enough - it's just too much fun.
And due to the wealth of information in amazon.com product reviews, I learned about Demodex mites. Ew.
Monday, August 04, 2014
Raw Food Fumble
I don't think salads will be my savior after all. We'll see what the quack says, hopefully this evening. I'm still losing weight, about a half pound a day and I'm not sure how to interpret it. Am I expending more energy than I should? I feel like a sloth so I'm not confident this is the answer. Is my body not utilizing the nutrients I am providing? How do I tell if that is the case? How do you make your body use food? It's not like you can intimidate it or tell it that it will get to have a reward later.
I've been diligent about my sunshine intake without sunscreen, all five minutes per side. Based on prior pink and itchy experiences I try to get out between 09:00 and 10:00 and use a timer. The internet tells me that the UV index in Seattle right now is "high" at 6. I remember when I was in Australia a few years ago that it felt like the sunshine was eating my skin so for giggles I decided to look up the UV index during my trip. There were a handful of days where the index was rated as "very high" and all the rest were "extreme". The EPA defines an extreme rating as: "A UV Index reading of 11 or more means extreme risk of harm from unprotected sun exposure. Take all precautions because unprotected skin and eyes can burn in minutes." Most days were in the low teens! Here is the website for current levels, see the sidebar for navigation to specific historic data.
Day 11 - 147.2
Woke up with a food hangover - my term for the repercussions of eating something of which my body did not approve. Super tired and lethargic followed by loud rumblings of discontent and many trips to the bathroom. Rude. I'm not sure if this is a transition thing or if my body just can't handle raw veggies. It does great with the fresh berries. I don't get it.
Day 12 - 146.6
I reversed my raw:steamed veggies today and it seemed like a positive thing. Gut is still pissed off but I am not so lethargic and felt pretty good by the evening. Maybe Day 11 was transitional and not a sign of raw veggie rejection?
Day 13 - 146.2
Today is a report day so I'm waiting to hear back what the next instructions will be. I can't decide if I should omit raw veggies today and stick with steamed or if that's moving backwards for the wrong reasons. There's a healing soup recipe I wanted to try but it involves mushrooms and miso. I asked in my check-in email if either or both would be acceptable along with seaweeds/sea vegetables. Ginger miso soup sounds tasty right about now but I'm trying to be good and not break what sometimes appear to be arbitrary rules.
I've been diligent about my sunshine intake without sunscreen, all five minutes per side. Based on prior pink and itchy experiences I try to get out between 09:00 and 10:00 and use a timer. The internet tells me that the UV index in Seattle right now is "high" at 6. I remember when I was in Australia a few years ago that it felt like the sunshine was eating my skin so for giggles I decided to look up the UV index during my trip. There were a handful of days where the index was rated as "very high" and all the rest were "extreme". The EPA defines an extreme rating as: "A UV Index reading of 11 or more means extreme risk of harm from unprotected sun exposure. Take all precautions because unprotected skin and eyes can burn in minutes." Most days were in the low teens! Here is the website for current levels, see the sidebar for navigation to specific historic data.
Day 11 - 147.2
Woke up with a food hangover - my term for the repercussions of eating something of which my body did not approve. Super tired and lethargic followed by loud rumblings of discontent and many trips to the bathroom. Rude. I'm not sure if this is a transition thing or if my body just can't handle raw veggies. It does great with the fresh berries. I don't get it.
Day 12 - 146.6
I reversed my raw:steamed veggies today and it seemed like a positive thing. Gut is still pissed off but I am not so lethargic and felt pretty good by the evening. Maybe Day 11 was transitional and not a sign of raw veggie rejection?
Day 13 - 146.2
Today is a report day so I'm waiting to hear back what the next instructions will be. I can't decide if I should omit raw veggies today and stick with steamed or if that's moving backwards for the wrong reasons. There's a healing soup recipe I wanted to try but it involves mushrooms and miso. I asked in my check-in email if either or both would be acceptable along with seaweeds/sea vegetables. Ginger miso soup sounds tasty right about now but I'm trying to be good and not break what sometimes appear to be arbitrary rules.
Saturday, August 02, 2014
Let there be salad!
Veggie soup, boiled to oblivion is now probably my least favorite thing to eat. The prospect of getting to eat semi-solid food was great when finishing the liquid portion of this plan but oh how quickly a new norm is established! My food dreams started to bleed over into daytime and thoughts of cheating rose ever higher in my thoughts.
Day 8 - 147.8
Trucking along. Nothing remarkable symptom-wise but still not feeling up to snuff. Developed a wicked sore throat that has slowly been creeping since Day 5's first tickle. Now if I dare talk more than fifteen minutes my voice starts to go out. Fantastic.
Day 9 - 147.4
Rough mental day. Cravings for tasty food were so intense the only way I kept myself from going crazy was scouring my pantry for anything that smelled delicious and inhaling deeply. The winners were truffle oil and cumin seed. This was a report day and I made sure to write in first thing in the morning in the hopes that they would write back by evening. My dream was to hear the new plan that involved more veggies and then run off to the store (more like slowly meander) to rejoice in all the choices. It was not to be. By 20:00 I was trying to decide, not whether or not I was going to cheat, but with what food item I was going to cheat. I walked to the store just to stare at things. I refrained, miraculously, from buying any cookies. I did buy some sausages and crackers because I could freeze the sausages and store the crackers until later. It just felt good knowing they would be nearby. And I didn't cheat!
Day 10 - 146.8
Veggies be praised! The email came in about 08:00 and I began to plan the rest of my day around what to buy and how to prepare it. The new plan is continuing the supplements, veggie soup, and berries but adding ANY non-starchy vegetable in raw or steamed form. Salad dressing can only be lemon juice and olive oil. And 1/2 avocado per day. Hehehehehehehehe! Giddyness swept over me. I abandoned my cookbooks quickly after realizing that they were all going to include some form of carbohydrate or protein. As much as I adore lentils, beans, eggs, and cheese, they're not on the list. The Flavor Bible, on the other hand, was great. I love that thing. It's like an encyclopedia. Food ingredients are listed in alphabetical order and it lists all the things that go well with them, super tasty combos are in bold print. Most of the time I've forgotten the links between a lot of foods and this is a helpful reminder. So I ended up making a more complicated than necessary salad based on my favorite from the PCC deli, the "Emerald City Salad". Mine didn't have rice or garlic but did have avocado (of course!), beets, dill, cilantro, chives, red onion, and I think that's it. Broccoli slaw is next on the agenda. Stomach is protesting lightly at the new introduction but the same thing happened the first day of squishy veggies. Hoping it's just a transitional thing. So far so good!
Day 8 - 147.8
Trucking along. Nothing remarkable symptom-wise but still not feeling up to snuff. Developed a wicked sore throat that has slowly been creeping since Day 5's first tickle. Now if I dare talk more than fifteen minutes my voice starts to go out. Fantastic.
Day 9 - 147.4
Rough mental day. Cravings for tasty food were so intense the only way I kept myself from going crazy was scouring my pantry for anything that smelled delicious and inhaling deeply. The winners were truffle oil and cumin seed. This was a report day and I made sure to write in first thing in the morning in the hopes that they would write back by evening. My dream was to hear the new plan that involved more veggies and then run off to the store (more like slowly meander) to rejoice in all the choices. It was not to be. By 20:00 I was trying to decide, not whether or not I was going to cheat, but with what food item I was going to cheat. I walked to the store just to stare at things. I refrained, miraculously, from buying any cookies. I did buy some sausages and crackers because I could freeze the sausages and store the crackers until later. It just felt good knowing they would be nearby. And I didn't cheat!
Day 10 - 146.8
Veggies be praised! The email came in about 08:00 and I began to plan the rest of my day around what to buy and how to prepare it. The new plan is continuing the supplements, veggie soup, and berries but adding ANY non-starchy vegetable in raw or steamed form. Salad dressing can only be lemon juice and olive oil. And 1/2 avocado per day. Hehehehehehehehe! Giddyness swept over me. I abandoned my cookbooks quickly after realizing that they were all going to include some form of carbohydrate or protein. As much as I adore lentils, beans, eggs, and cheese, they're not on the list. The Flavor Bible, on the other hand, was great. I love that thing. It's like an encyclopedia. Food ingredients are listed in alphabetical order and it lists all the things that go well with them, super tasty combos are in bold print. Most of the time I've forgotten the links between a lot of foods and this is a helpful reminder. So I ended up making a more complicated than necessary salad based on my favorite from the PCC deli, the "Emerald City Salad". Mine didn't have rice or garlic but did have avocado (of course!), beets, dill, cilantro, chives, red onion, and I think that's it. Broccoli slaw is next on the agenda. Stomach is protesting lightly at the new introduction but the same thing happened the first day of squishy veggies. Hoping it's just a transitional thing. So far so good!
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
The End is Nigh!
Feeling good has never felt so, well, good! I'll be moving from a liquid diet to a liquid diet plus squishy vegetables. Basically instead of throwing away the veggies used in making my magic broth I'll be eating them. It's sad that the idea of overcooked, boiled vegetables is appealing. And another boon - I get to eat fresh berries. Oh yeah, berries. Fresh ones. A friend was lovely and went to the store to pick me up some blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries. On my daily walk I picked up some blackberries just to round it out. I snuck one in on the way home, a day early. Don't tell anyone!
Day 5 - 147.4 lbs
Repeat of Day 4 happiness though with slightly less energy. Not much to report other than I'm cruising through all that Amazon Instant Video has to offer, and am coming to a close on the Inspector Lewis series. At least I'm almost finished with what is available for free. Miss Marple, check, Poirot, check. At least the scene out my window has been lovely. Rainier popping out from the city scape as the majestic giant it is.
Day 6 - 147.8 lbs
Same again. Feeling pretty darn chipper though with less energy than Day 5. Looking forward to eating but concerned that happiness might be short-lived. I stayed up late making new, improved (w/veggies) broth avoided cheating on the ingredients, narrowly. I feel like ginger could have been a helpful addition, for digestion and flavor, but I stuck to the boring, sad recipe. I'll follow the rules as it would be silly to call results into question now. I'd love to add some garlic but it hurts some people as much as it helps others so I'm afraid it will have to wait.
Day 7 - 147.8 lbs
First day of actual food. Super grateful to have berries. Not excited about how I felt after attempting "breakfast". Nausea and mild pain as food hit. Not fair. I was able to finish my soup at lunch without incident so I'm hoping it was meet and greet jitters. Stomach, meet food. Food, meet stomach. I think you used to have a lot in common! Chat amongst yourselves while I get drinks.
Hoping the past few days of good feeling and no pain will be the first steps to a better normal.
Day 5 - 147.4 lbs
Repeat of Day 4 happiness though with slightly less energy. Not much to report other than I'm cruising through all that Amazon Instant Video has to offer, and am coming to a close on the Inspector Lewis series. At least I'm almost finished with what is available for free. Miss Marple, check, Poirot, check. At least the scene out my window has been lovely. Rainier popping out from the city scape as the majestic giant it is.
Day 6 - 147.8 lbs
Same again. Feeling pretty darn chipper though with less energy than Day 5. Looking forward to eating but concerned that happiness might be short-lived. I stayed up late making new, improved (w/veggies) broth avoided cheating on the ingredients, narrowly. I feel like ginger could have been a helpful addition, for digestion and flavor, but I stuck to the boring, sad recipe. I'll follow the rules as it would be silly to call results into question now. I'd love to add some garlic but it hurts some people as much as it helps others so I'm afraid it will have to wait.
Day 7 - 147.8 lbs
First day of actual food. Super grateful to have berries. Not excited about how I felt after attempting "breakfast". Nausea and mild pain as food hit. Not fair. I was able to finish my soup at lunch without incident so I'm hoping it was meet and greet jitters. Stomach, meet food. Food, meet stomach. I think you used to have a lot in common! Chat amongst yourselves while I get drinks.
Hoping the past few days of good feeling and no pain will be the first steps to a better normal.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Halfway There
I bought a scale last month because even though I felt like I was losing weight my clothes were getting more and more uncomfortable. It got to the point that I couldn't wear any pants, shorts, or fitted skirts. Thank goodness it is summer. I can hike up skirts higher to accommodate my ballooned waste and wear loose dresses. Trouble was, I didn't have very many of either of those. Instead of buying a fat bloat wardrobe I actually ended up borrowing a friend's maternity outfit that she didn't need anymore. The pants were amazing (even if too short) because of that fabulous, gigantic front panel. It was supportive but not tight like pantyhose can be. It reminds me of an episode of a comedy show where the wife gives her husband "Thanksgiving pants" so he can be comfortable at the holiday table while stuffing himself stupid. They were maternity slacks of course. Brilliant. I did end up buying three new dresses, one mu-mu-ish and two with drop wastes that had ruching and/or gathering. I think I can survive the summer now. If this is still an issue in the Autumn I'll have to reassess. Maybe a wool mu-mu? I'd better work on my sewing skills
Day 3 - 148.8 lbs
In mid-June I was ~165 lbs so to me the loss of four pounds over the past few days is not as dramatic as what I know I was a little over a month ago. I fit a bit better into pants but not enough to want to wear them for more than an hour. You'd think that fifteen pounds would make a difference. Mind you, pre-bloating extravaganza my clothes fit at 165 lbs. Anyway, cooped up in my apartment it doesn't matter what I wear as no one is here to see me. I still try to get out once a day and it's bittersweet. Lovely to be moving around in the fresh air but still surprising how hard simple things are - like crossing the street before the signal goes. Felt much better as the day went on, my headache subsiding to its usual dull ache by the end of the day instead of a raging inferno of stabbing pain. The only real ordeal was meeting my neighbor's crazy dogs at the elevator again. In April they attacked me as I left the elevator and they were going in. Thank goodness they were leashed as I escaped with a raking instead of bites as the walker attempted to rein them in. This time I was more lucky. I recognized them and said, "No! Not again!", and backed into the elevator (where I had been standing) as far as I could. The walker heard me just as the dogs went berzerk and pulled them back before they could get me. Phew! I notified management both times and the first time they said they didn't have any dogs that matched my description (I sent a picture) living in the building and without knowing what apartment they were in they couldn't do much. They have yet to respond to this incident. I've decided to make a formal complaint. It's just not okay to feel unsafe where I live. The rest of the evening went rather well. I actually had some energy and felt more normal - or at least more of what I think normal should feel like. But that could have been adrenaline...
Day 4 - 148.6 lbs
I still feel chipper so I'm taking that as a good sign. I definitely need the sunglasses while indoors still, but if that's what it takes to keep the headache monster at bay, I'm all for it. The mountain is out and the sky is a blue haze. Going to be lovely today and I can't help but be jealous of all the lucky people out hiking and/or camping right now. Heck, even playing frisbee. Soon I tell you... Soon! The check-in yesterday was a little disappointing. I get to check in with them every day now until they decide to stop the liquid diet. I asked them what parameters they use to determine the end of the fast and they avoided answering the question. They do that a lot and it drives me crazy. It does nothing to instill confidence in them and I've never been a blind follower. I need information people! I've already decided that I won't be re-upping after two months. They want you in for six and I think it's all about money at that point. So far there's nothing they've done that wasn't on my doc's agenda (maybe I already whined about this?) and what they have done has been oodles more expensive. My doc was waiting for my gut to settle down before doing a fast but that never happened. So here I am.
If I didn't feel so light-headed and woozy I'd consider a liquid diet long term as absolutely nothing has made me feel decent for twenty-four hours in the last two years. Scary thought. If nothing else, this brief reprieve has allowed me to think that health is in sight and perhaps being able to go back to work at the end of August is possible. Shocking!
Day 3 - 148.8 lbs
In mid-June I was ~165 lbs so to me the loss of four pounds over the past few days is not as dramatic as what I know I was a little over a month ago. I fit a bit better into pants but not enough to want to wear them for more than an hour. You'd think that fifteen pounds would make a difference. Mind you, pre-bloating extravaganza my clothes fit at 165 lbs. Anyway, cooped up in my apartment it doesn't matter what I wear as no one is here to see me. I still try to get out once a day and it's bittersweet. Lovely to be moving around in the fresh air but still surprising how hard simple things are - like crossing the street before the signal goes. Felt much better as the day went on, my headache subsiding to its usual dull ache by the end of the day instead of a raging inferno of stabbing pain. The only real ordeal was meeting my neighbor's crazy dogs at the elevator again. In April they attacked me as I left the elevator and they were going in. Thank goodness they were leashed as I escaped with a raking instead of bites as the walker attempted to rein them in. This time I was more lucky. I recognized them and said, "No! Not again!", and backed into the elevator (where I had been standing) as far as I could. The walker heard me just as the dogs went berzerk and pulled them back before they could get me. Phew! I notified management both times and the first time they said they didn't have any dogs that matched my description (I sent a picture) living in the building and without knowing what apartment they were in they couldn't do much. They have yet to respond to this incident. I've decided to make a formal complaint. It's just not okay to feel unsafe where I live. The rest of the evening went rather well. I actually had some energy and felt more normal - or at least more of what I think normal should feel like. But that could have been adrenaline...
Day 4 - 148.6 lbs
I still feel chipper so I'm taking that as a good sign. I definitely need the sunglasses while indoors still, but if that's what it takes to keep the headache monster at bay, I'm all for it. The mountain is out and the sky is a blue haze. Going to be lovely today and I can't help but be jealous of all the lucky people out hiking and/or camping right now. Heck, even playing frisbee. Soon I tell you... Soon! The check-in yesterday was a little disappointing. I get to check in with them every day now until they decide to stop the liquid diet. I asked them what parameters they use to determine the end of the fast and they avoided answering the question. They do that a lot and it drives me crazy. It does nothing to instill confidence in them and I've never been a blind follower. I need information people! I've already decided that I won't be re-upping after two months. They want you in for six and I think it's all about money at that point. So far there's nothing they've done that wasn't on my doc's agenda (maybe I already whined about this?) and what they have done has been oodles more expensive. My doc was waiting for my gut to settle down before doing a fast but that never happened. So here I am.
If I didn't feel so light-headed and woozy I'd consider a liquid diet long term as absolutely nothing has made me feel decent for twenty-four hours in the last two years. Scary thought. If nothing else, this brief reprieve has allowed me to think that health is in sight and perhaps being able to go back to work at the end of August is possible. Shocking!
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Liquid Diet Begins
Feels good to have two days under my belt on this fast. Though not a true fast I'm taking in about a gallon of fluids throughout the day. I have a powder to reconstitute four times a day. I can't stand the smell of it so I hold my breath and chug. This is probably not the best idea given that you're supposed to take your time with food and drink to make things easier on your stomach. Next I have some some fiber, just once a day, and then some vitamins either two or three times a day in pill form. And then, the best part of the day, is the veggie broth. It's homemade and from a recipe of the Atlanta clinic but for all that it is the most bland, sad thing... and I love it! It's the only thing that resembles actual food and I find myself counting down minutes until I get to heat up my portion, one bowl twice a day. The recommendation was one to two bowls but it's my only treat. Oh, and I get to have some herbal tea. All told I think I'm getting ~700 calories a day. Not really starving but a far cry from my usual intake. I'm not jazzed about losing wait but it's inevitable. I keep track by weighing myself in the morning, first thing after the obligatory emptying of the bladder.
Day 1 - 153.4 lbs
The first day was a bit rough. One of the worst headaches I've had in a while and it only worsened as the day progressed. Took me two hours to fall asleep last night because of it. Blech. The hunger wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It probably helps that over the last few months feelings of hunger and fullness have either been eclipsed by pain and nausea or my brain/gut forgot what to do in that department. Either way it's nice to not be ravenous during this forced deprivation. I decided to run errands on Day 1 in case I wasn't really able to on subsequent days. This brought about an interesting afternoon. I walked by a bowl of guacamole left out at the workplace of someone I visited and the sight of it was a jolt to my system. I stopped and had a sharp intake of breath, totally an unexpected reaction. I want that. I want that badly. This brought about pangs of regret as I had neglected to include avocados in my last meal. Tragedy. On to my next errand I had to jog a short distance to make a departing bus. I tried to slip in and the doors closed on me! The driver tried to open them from his panel but all it did was do a flutter open and close on my limbs! Except I thought that the doors were really opening so I charged in just as they closed again - on my face! I honestly thought there were going to be rubber smudges on my cheekbone. Now I'm stunned from the door attack, light-headed from the brief jog, and totally rethinking not bringing a water bottle. I was completely dehydrated by the time I got home and my magic broth never tasted so good. And the entire time a crazy summer rain storm was raging. Downtown between tall buildings it felt like a wind tunnel filled with buckets of rain being tossed at you sideways.
Day 2 - 150.6 lbs
Today has been a lot better. I'm more light-headed but the severity of headache is less as is the dehydration factor. I'm supposed to get out every day for a light walk so I headed out during a dry spell. The weather has been much more stable today, thank goodness. I made my way to a nearby park confident in my decision to bring neither a raincoat nor an umbrella and watched the clouds roll by overhead. There seemed to be a fog descending on the city so I decided to head for home. The fog bank ended up being drizzle that had me completely soaked by the time I trudged, oh so slowly uphill, back home. The frustrating thing about all this is that the headache component makes my usual distractions from counting the minutes until magic broth time (tv, internet, reading) very difficult due to eye strain/light sensitivity. I can only stare at the wall so long... I have a lot of books waiting to be read and some small projects too but it'll have to be slow and steady wins the race. Here's hoping sleep comes easier to me tonight. Tomorrow is check-in day and I'm hoping I'll have an end date for the fast rather than a wait and see attitude. They say four to seven days is average so I'm hoping I'm not on the long end of that.
In other news, my propeller plant is blooming and looks really neat.
It's got the same bug infestation that had me tossing out several other plants after failed treatment last month so it's days in the sun are numbered. But for at least a little while I'll let this odd succulent be. I would be super sad if the bugs spread to my goldfish plant so I'm trying to keep it isolated. They look like aphids wrapped in a webby cocoon. They prefer the newest, most tender part of the plants, and insecticidal treatments had no effect. Sad days to lose a plant.
I can't wait to cook again. I thought I'd miss the food more but it is the preparation and anticipation of a good meal that I miss. It's hard for me to watch a movie without a snack so I've been staying away from my favorite films as the association is so strong. Good thing Amazon Prime has loads of shows for me to catch up on! Grammar Police are on vacation this summer so I'm not going to bother with prepositions being positioned appropriately. =P Hasta mañana.
Day 1 - 153.4 lbs
The first day was a bit rough. One of the worst headaches I've had in a while and it only worsened as the day progressed. Took me two hours to fall asleep last night because of it. Blech. The hunger wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It probably helps that over the last few months feelings of hunger and fullness have either been eclipsed by pain and nausea or my brain/gut forgot what to do in that department. Either way it's nice to not be ravenous during this forced deprivation. I decided to run errands on Day 1 in case I wasn't really able to on subsequent days. This brought about an interesting afternoon. I walked by a bowl of guacamole left out at the workplace of someone I visited and the sight of it was a jolt to my system. I stopped and had a sharp intake of breath, totally an unexpected reaction. I want that. I want that badly. This brought about pangs of regret as I had neglected to include avocados in my last meal. Tragedy. On to my next errand I had to jog a short distance to make a departing bus. I tried to slip in and the doors closed on me! The driver tried to open them from his panel but all it did was do a flutter open and close on my limbs! Except I thought that the doors were really opening so I charged in just as they closed again - on my face! I honestly thought there were going to be rubber smudges on my cheekbone. Now I'm stunned from the door attack, light-headed from the brief jog, and totally rethinking not bringing a water bottle. I was completely dehydrated by the time I got home and my magic broth never tasted so good. And the entire time a crazy summer rain storm was raging. Downtown between tall buildings it felt like a wind tunnel filled with buckets of rain being tossed at you sideways.
Day 2 - 150.6 lbs
Today has been a lot better. I'm more light-headed but the severity of headache is less as is the dehydration factor. I'm supposed to get out every day for a light walk so I headed out during a dry spell. The weather has been much more stable today, thank goodness. I made my way to a nearby park confident in my decision to bring neither a raincoat nor an umbrella and watched the clouds roll by overhead. There seemed to be a fog descending on the city so I decided to head for home. The fog bank ended up being drizzle that had me completely soaked by the time I trudged, oh so slowly uphill, back home. The frustrating thing about all this is that the headache component makes my usual distractions from counting the minutes until magic broth time (tv, internet, reading) very difficult due to eye strain/light sensitivity. I can only stare at the wall so long... I have a lot of books waiting to be read and some small projects too but it'll have to be slow and steady wins the race. Here's hoping sleep comes easier to me tonight. Tomorrow is check-in day and I'm hoping I'll have an end date for the fast rather than a wait and see attitude. They say four to seven days is average so I'm hoping I'm not on the long end of that.
In other news, my propeller plant is blooming and looks really neat.
It's got the same bug infestation that had me tossing out several other plants after failed treatment last month so it's days in the sun are numbered. But for at least a little while I'll let this odd succulent be. I would be super sad if the bugs spread to my goldfish plant so I'm trying to keep it isolated. They look like aphids wrapped in a webby cocoon. They prefer the newest, most tender part of the plants, and insecticidal treatments had no effect. Sad days to lose a plant.
I can't wait to cook again. I thought I'd miss the food more but it is the preparation and anticipation of a good meal that I miss. It's hard for me to watch a movie without a snack so I've been staying away from my favorite films as the association is so strong. Good thing Amazon Prime has loads of shows for me to catch up on! Grammar Police are on vacation this summer so I'm not going to bother with prepositions being positioned appropriately. =P Hasta mañana.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Super Fast!
Things have not improved health-wise for me. Much unpleasantness was to be had after the sad departure of Ms. Sugar. Things escalated until I finally heeded my doctor's urging to take medical leave. It's like I have IBS with a side of mono. Pain, nausea, bloating, fatigue, GI distress, sore throat, optical migraines... there seem to be an unlimited number of diagnosis codes from which to choose for insurance claims. I'm checking off every test my doctor can think of and so far the good news is no pathological cause. This is fantastic because it means I don't have obvious cancer or any other condition that might require hospitalization or surgery. It is also terrible because that leaves tricky pathological condition and/or functional issues. I've decided to let the MDs focus on the pathology and I'll focus on the functional medicine.
I found myself some quacks (in Atlanta of all places) to work on zeroing and re-balancing my system. If it works I've already decided the post will be entitled "How my hair dresser saved my life" based on connections to this clinic in Atlanta. After paying them a small fortune for slightly unorthodox tests I'm due to start a 4+ day fast. The actual amount of days depends on progress during the fast. It's not a true fast as I'll be drinking water, veggie broth, and taking vitamins but it's the most extreme thing I will have done so far. If I'm being honest I'm a bit nervous about the whole thing. I stand to drop a significant amount of weight, energy, and ability to care for myself. Luckily I have good friends that are willing to pitch in and do store runs for me. I've recruited my mother for quick apartment cleanings - don't look at me like that, she loves to clean - so I think I have most of my bases covered. Amazon Prime will be my savior for tv shows and there's no shortage of books waiting to be read either. I think what I'm most concerned about is if this is just the next thing to try that has no affect on my condition. I have other ideas lined up of course, being the planner that I am, but I would really like to be done with all this and get back to being a productive member of society. There are things I want to do people!!!
I toyed fairly seriously with the idea of getting a cat but decided it would be selfish at this point. If there was anything that needed tending to with the new kitty, I wouldn't be able to do much about it. All in good time. Trying to check my needs off the list before adding anyone else's. In the interim I hope to have kitty love by visiting friends. All of the fluff and none of the litter. It's a bit like being an aunt! My intent is to have a Korat one day so I can revel in all the awesomeness of a cat without the allergies.
The weather looks to be pleasant for the next week or so, not too hot, so convalescing at home should be nice enough. I'm supposed to get "sun therapy" every day. That would be unprotected sun exposure to as much skin as possible for 15-30 minutes. {snort} I tried this a couple of weeks ago, knowing the recommendation would be coming, and laid out three days in a row for ten minutes each side. I got all pink and itchy with burn/tan lines and everything after the third day. Aaaaaand done with that experiment. I'll give five minutes a side a go next time and see how that fares. Sheesh. Can you get more pale than that?
Oh and my latest career idea is to be a naturopath. In research mode now. We'll see how it goes. Very excited at the prospect but I'm at least a year out. On a side note, there are no fun pictures to go with this post. Google "Korat" instead and prepare yourself for beautiful gray kitties with green eyes. Cheers!
I found myself some quacks (in Atlanta of all places) to work on zeroing and re-balancing my system. If it works I've already decided the post will be entitled "How my hair dresser saved my life" based on connections to this clinic in Atlanta. After paying them a small fortune for slightly unorthodox tests I'm due to start a 4+ day fast. The actual amount of days depends on progress during the fast. It's not a true fast as I'll be drinking water, veggie broth, and taking vitamins but it's the most extreme thing I will have done so far. If I'm being honest I'm a bit nervous about the whole thing. I stand to drop a significant amount of weight, energy, and ability to care for myself. Luckily I have good friends that are willing to pitch in and do store runs for me. I've recruited my mother for quick apartment cleanings - don't look at me like that, she loves to clean - so I think I have most of my bases covered. Amazon Prime will be my savior for tv shows and there's no shortage of books waiting to be read either. I think what I'm most concerned about is if this is just the next thing to try that has no affect on my condition. I have other ideas lined up of course, being the planner that I am, but I would really like to be done with all this and get back to being a productive member of society. There are things I want to do people!!!
I toyed fairly seriously with the idea of getting a cat but decided it would be selfish at this point. If there was anything that needed tending to with the new kitty, I wouldn't be able to do much about it. All in good time. Trying to check my needs off the list before adding anyone else's. In the interim I hope to have kitty love by visiting friends. All of the fluff and none of the litter. It's a bit like being an aunt! My intent is to have a Korat one day so I can revel in all the awesomeness of a cat without the allergies.
The weather looks to be pleasant for the next week or so, not too hot, so convalescing at home should be nice enough. I'm supposed to get "sun therapy" every day. That would be unprotected sun exposure to as much skin as possible for 15-30 minutes. {snort} I tried this a couple of weeks ago, knowing the recommendation would be coming, and laid out three days in a row for ten minutes each side. I got all pink and itchy with burn/tan lines and everything after the third day. Aaaaaand done with that experiment. I'll give five minutes a side a go next time and see how that fares. Sheesh. Can you get more pale than that?
Oh and my latest career idea is to be a naturopath. In research mode now. We'll see how it goes. Very excited at the prospect but I'm at least a year out. On a side note, there are no fun pictures to go with this post. Google "Korat" instead and prepare yourself for beautiful gray kitties with green eyes. Cheers!
Friday, December 20, 2013
Saying Goodbye to Sugar
Just before Thanksgiving I said goodbye to Sugar. She is, as my friend would say, my furry feline faux baby. I suppose I should say "was". We kept each other company for over thirteen years.
I sent an email the day she left me that I think still feels right:
Dear all,
Today I said goodbye to Sugar after 12 wonderful years, and one very sad year. She died peacefully this morning thanks to euthanasia after battling lymphoma that had metastasized to her lungs among other locations.
I am collecting remembrances from those that knew and loved her if you have any you would care to share with me. While I am inconsolable I believe this would be a comfort to me.
Thank you to all of you that shared in her life and in turn enriched mine. The picture I've attached is how I will remember her, happily purring while dozing, fooling you into thinking she might like a belly rub.
In sorrow,
Holly
I didn't receive many stories but those I did warmed my heart.
I took a short video, a day or so before the end, of me giving her a nice pet. For the most part she accepts my affection calmly but nothing like how it used to be. Then there is a moment where she leans in and closes her eyes. It makes me catch my breath every time I watch it.
I don't know that I've had to do anything so difficult before this. Choosing when to end a life is a terrible burden. I remain convinced that it was the right thing to do and I'm glad I could help in some way, even if it was so final. I miss her so.
I sent an email the day she left me that I think still feels right:
Dear all,
Today I said goodbye to Sugar after 12 wonderful years, and one very sad year. She died peacefully this morning thanks to euthanasia after battling lymphoma that had metastasized to her lungs among other locations.
I am collecting remembrances from those that knew and loved her if you have any you would care to share with me. While I am inconsolable I believe this would be a comfort to me.
Thank you to all of you that shared in her life and in turn enriched mine. The picture I've attached is how I will remember her, happily purring while dozing, fooling you into thinking she might like a belly rub.
In sorrow,
Holly
I didn't receive many stories but those I did warmed my heart.
I took a short video, a day or so before the end, of me giving her a nice pet. For the most part she accepts my affection calmly but nothing like how it used to be. Then there is a moment where she leans in and closes her eyes. It makes me catch my breath every time I watch it.
I don't know that I've had to do anything so difficult before this. Choosing when to end a life is a terrible burden. I remain convinced that it was the right thing to do and I'm glad I could help in some way, even if it was so final. I miss her so.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Autumn Escapes
Despite still being extremely fatigued I decided to take my Kauai vacation anyway. Best decision ever! At first I was sad, OK, bitter, about not being able to go backpacking on this lush island but I think I made the best of it and had a great time. My approach was one day on and one day off. I brought the first two books of the Kingkiller Chronicle for the down times, roughly 1400 pages of awesome. Oh when will the third installment be finished?! The timing of my escape to the islands couldn't have been planned better. I left comfortable temps two days before the crazy rain and cold started in Seattle. It would have been much more satisfying if I actually enjoyed ninety degree weather with one hundred percent humidity. Never before have I run around in public in so little clothing. The only consolation is that every other foreigner was doing the exact same thing, and there are a lot of tourists in Hawaii. Residents are also a bit, interesting. My favorite was "Rooster Man" who trains roosters to ride on the handle bar of his bike as he cruises through town.
Highlights: scenery that looks like Jurassic Park, a green version of the Grand Canyon, short hikes to vistas like and unlike home, snorkeling, first (and second) fresh coconut devoured, sunrises, sunsets, and Le Le. I'll get to Le Le in a minute. I drove my rental everywhere and was eventually able to find everything on my list as well as a few things that I didn't know needed to be on my list. There's one main drag and for a good portion of it you can only go 25 mph. It fits the lifestyle and it took me a couple of days to relax into it. None of my pictures do the scenery any justice so just google Kauai and know that it looks better in person.
I went on two hikes, Nounou Mountain (Sleeping Giant) and the first two miles of the Kalalau Trail to Hanakapi'ai Beach. Both were more challenging than I anticipated but still weren't too bad and had very nice views all along the way. There are signs on each trail listing dangers and "please do not go here" type of warnings.
I was told they're present due to hikers not being aware and dying in various ways, like walking off a cliff or being swept out to sea. I used common sense and heeded the high surf warnings and made it through unscathed. Le Le accompanied me on Sleeping Giant.
Snorkeling was interesting. I had purchased some snorkel gear before leaving because I'd had issues with mask fittings in Australia when I'd attempted my first underwater adventure. I made some friends at the resort hot tub and headed out to Tunnels near Hanalei with them. The reef was mostly dead (sad) but still had a number of very colorful inhabitants (yeah!). I can't find pics of my favorite fish online. It was brilliant with a bright pink outline. Second to pinky were any fish with polka dots. I was pleasantly surprised with the variety and how easy they were to access. Though it only lasted for a couple of hours, the experience robbed me of all my energy for the next day and a half. I didn't go again.
My new friends implored me to eat a coconut, specifically a young coconut, and spam musubi. I was successful in the former but not the latter due to gluten presence. I had tried coconut water before, packaged, and declared it to be the most vile liquid to pass my lips. Fresh is always better so I watched with mild trepidation as the vendor brandished her machete and made quick work of the coconut shell/husk/thing. I must pause to vent here. In every depiction of a coconut I have ever seen the image is wholly inaccurate. When searching for a coconut to try a farmer's market stall vendor told me about a stand near where I was staying. She said, "You can't miss it. She has a little trailer that is completely surrounded by coconuts." I almost drove by it because, it turns out, I don't know what a coconut actually looks like. I was expecting a brown, fibrous round ball about five inches tall. Instead, they are green/yellow and wonky shaped, vaguely seed like, and huge! I guesstimate eight inches minimum. Inside there lies the brown hairy sphere of goodness. False advertising is terrible people! But back to the awesomeness that is fresh coconut. The water is great, has a mild flavor and is tingly like soda pop on your tongue. There's quite a bit in there, even in the small ones. I would guess three cups worth. Once you're done with the drink it's back to the machete to access the meat. The young coconuts have soft meet. Mine was like gelatin and had almost no flavor.
For comparison's sake I got an old coconut the next day. The meat layer was thicker and was somewhere in-between dry and moist.
I loved it. This will come as a shock to my closer acquaintances as I have detested coconut my entire life. It's a texture thing. Like little insect legs that get stuck in your teeth and refuse to swallow with the rest of the food. But I had only had dried coconut to this point. It's still icky by the way. Fresh coconut however, I will eat at any time. Bring it.
The condo I was staying in was in Kapa'a and had a glorious view of the sunrise each morning. I watched several of those, either from the comfort of my balcony with a partial view or down on the beachfront for a full view. It was cloudy every day which I think actually made for a more interesting greeting of the new day. The fact that my internal clock was three hours ahead helped me get out of bed at 5:30 in time to watch. The timing was never great for catching a similar sunset view so the closest I got was walking the beach east a few hotels and catching the pink sky descend behind the mountains. Still pretty sweet.
Le Le. A couple of days in to my vacation I learned that you can take a shelter dog from the Humane Society on a field trip! I went to check it out and ended up choosing Le Le.
She's a pit and wasn't my first choice as pits make me nervous but she was the calmest animal in the whole place. Even when an employee walked by with a leash and all the other dogs were freaking out on a level I certainly am not used to, Le Le was calm and happy, wagging her tail with a big smile. I ran her a bit in a dog park next door in the hopes her energy level would be closer to mine when we hit the trail. She was in heaven. We practiced leading (me) and following (Le Le) in the parking lot and she learned very quickly how this arrangement was going to work. During the car ride she was super chill and lased in the back seat, not once whining, smearing slobber on the windows, or even standing up mid-ride. Once on the trail she was a champ. There were a couple of tricky spots where I had to scramble with all four limbs grasping for dear life and there was no way to hold on to her. I let go of the leash and she picked her way across like she'd been rock climbing her whole life and waited patiently for me to grab her leash again. By the time we summited I was completely smitten.
Strangers were confused by the "adopt me" vest she was wearing because she behaved like we were already a pair. I took a bunch of pics and lamented over our inevitable separation. I spent the rest of my vacation (and my first two weeks back home) trying to figure out how I could adopt her or convince someone else to adopt her. Luckily/sadly she was adopted a few weeks after I returned home. I fought the urge to interrogate the staff member about her new owners and if they were suitable. Sigh. Hopefully they are good people that fell in love as quickly as I did.
I didn't think it was possible to get used to ninety degrees with one hundred percent humidity but when I returned home I just about froze to death in sixty degree temps. I turned on the heat and huddled on the couch with a cat and blanket willing the air to heat faster. Heading back to work showed me that I had a very noticeable increase in stamina compared to before the trip. I'm still fatigued easily but do much better than before. As is typical for me, I felt amazing so I tried to get my life back all at once. Not the brightest idea but it felt right at the time.
My friend and I decided to go for a larch/mountain goat hunt (visually, no guns) before they lost their splendor and we'd have to wait until next year. We trekked up into the Enchantments and did an overnight at Horseshoe Lake. Amazing. Truly beautiful. I wish I could make trips like that happen every weekend. The hike was difficult, especially the last part where there was 1100 gain in a mile. Made worse of course with a pack. I think it took us five hours to do seven miles. Once we hit the top, all the pain was worth it.
The lake was pristine, fish for the taking, and rimmed with steep mountain slopes, larches in waning splendor and all in a snowy wonderland.
I'd never been snow camping before and had brought some heavier clothes in anticipation of such conditions. I needed all of them. I think I would have gotten frostbite if my friend hadn't learned of the "heater" technique of filling your nalgene with boiling water and cuddling it in your sleeping bag. The next morning the lake was mirror calm and I took a million pictures. Then the mountain goat we'd seen visiting other camps the day before made its way to our humble set-up!
We made sure not to get too close and he was kind enough to pose for some nice close-ups. We took about as long to get off the mountain as it had to get up and my legs were jelly. I think it took me all week to recover, but again, totally worth it!
Highlights: scenery that looks like Jurassic Park, a green version of the Grand Canyon, short hikes to vistas like and unlike home, snorkeling, first (and second) fresh coconut devoured, sunrises, sunsets, and Le Le. I'll get to Le Le in a minute. I drove my rental everywhere and was eventually able to find everything on my list as well as a few things that I didn't know needed to be on my list. There's one main drag and for a good portion of it you can only go 25 mph. It fits the lifestyle and it took me a couple of days to relax into it. None of my pictures do the scenery any justice so just google Kauai and know that it looks better in person.
I went on two hikes, Nounou Mountain (Sleeping Giant) and the first two miles of the Kalalau Trail to Hanakapi'ai Beach. Both were more challenging than I anticipated but still weren't too bad and had very nice views all along the way. There are signs on each trail listing dangers and "please do not go here" type of warnings.
I was told they're present due to hikers not being aware and dying in various ways, like walking off a cliff or being swept out to sea. I used common sense and heeded the high surf warnings and made it through unscathed. Le Le accompanied me on Sleeping Giant.
Snorkeling was interesting. I had purchased some snorkel gear before leaving because I'd had issues with mask fittings in Australia when I'd attempted my first underwater adventure. I made some friends at the resort hot tub and headed out to Tunnels near Hanalei with them. The reef was mostly dead (sad) but still had a number of very colorful inhabitants (yeah!). I can't find pics of my favorite fish online. It was brilliant with a bright pink outline. Second to pinky were any fish with polka dots. I was pleasantly surprised with the variety and how easy they were to access. Though it only lasted for a couple of hours, the experience robbed me of all my energy for the next day and a half. I didn't go again.
My new friends implored me to eat a coconut, specifically a young coconut, and spam musubi. I was successful in the former but not the latter due to gluten presence. I had tried coconut water before, packaged, and declared it to be the most vile liquid to pass my lips. Fresh is always better so I watched with mild trepidation as the vendor brandished her machete and made quick work of the coconut shell/husk/thing. I must pause to vent here. In every depiction of a coconut I have ever seen the image is wholly inaccurate. When searching for a coconut to try a farmer's market stall vendor told me about a stand near where I was staying. She said, "You can't miss it. She has a little trailer that is completely surrounded by coconuts." I almost drove by it because, it turns out, I don't know what a coconut actually looks like. I was expecting a brown, fibrous round ball about five inches tall. Instead, they are green/yellow and wonky shaped, vaguely seed like, and huge! I guesstimate eight inches minimum. Inside there lies the brown hairy sphere of goodness. False advertising is terrible people! But back to the awesomeness that is fresh coconut. The water is great, has a mild flavor and is tingly like soda pop on your tongue. There's quite a bit in there, even in the small ones. I would guess three cups worth. Once you're done with the drink it's back to the machete to access the meat. The young coconuts have soft meet. Mine was like gelatin and had almost no flavor.
For comparison's sake I got an old coconut the next day. The meat layer was thicker and was somewhere in-between dry and moist.
I loved it. This will come as a shock to my closer acquaintances as I have detested coconut my entire life. It's a texture thing. Like little insect legs that get stuck in your teeth and refuse to swallow with the rest of the food. But I had only had dried coconut to this point. It's still icky by the way. Fresh coconut however, I will eat at any time. Bring it.
The condo I was staying in was in Kapa'a and had a glorious view of the sunrise each morning. I watched several of those, either from the comfort of my balcony with a partial view or down on the beachfront for a full view. It was cloudy every day which I think actually made for a more interesting greeting of the new day. The fact that my internal clock was three hours ahead helped me get out of bed at 5:30 in time to watch. The timing was never great for catching a similar sunset view so the closest I got was walking the beach east a few hotels and catching the pink sky descend behind the mountains. Still pretty sweet.
Le Le. A couple of days in to my vacation I learned that you can take a shelter dog from the Humane Society on a field trip! I went to check it out and ended up choosing Le Le.
She's a pit and wasn't my first choice as pits make me nervous but she was the calmest animal in the whole place. Even when an employee walked by with a leash and all the other dogs were freaking out on a level I certainly am not used to, Le Le was calm and happy, wagging her tail with a big smile. I ran her a bit in a dog park next door in the hopes her energy level would be closer to mine when we hit the trail. She was in heaven. We practiced leading (me) and following (Le Le) in the parking lot and she learned very quickly how this arrangement was going to work. During the car ride she was super chill and lased in the back seat, not once whining, smearing slobber on the windows, or even standing up mid-ride. Once on the trail she was a champ. There were a couple of tricky spots where I had to scramble with all four limbs grasping for dear life and there was no way to hold on to her. I let go of the leash and she picked her way across like she'd been rock climbing her whole life and waited patiently for me to grab her leash again. By the time we summited I was completely smitten.
Strangers were confused by the "adopt me" vest she was wearing because she behaved like we were already a pair. I took a bunch of pics and lamented over our inevitable separation. I spent the rest of my vacation (and my first two weeks back home) trying to figure out how I could adopt her or convince someone else to adopt her. Luckily/sadly she was adopted a few weeks after I returned home. I fought the urge to interrogate the staff member about her new owners and if they were suitable. Sigh. Hopefully they are good people that fell in love as quickly as I did.
I didn't think it was possible to get used to ninety degrees with one hundred percent humidity but when I returned home I just about froze to death in sixty degree temps. I turned on the heat and huddled on the couch with a cat and blanket willing the air to heat faster. Heading back to work showed me that I had a very noticeable increase in stamina compared to before the trip. I'm still fatigued easily but do much better than before. As is typical for me, I felt amazing so I tried to get my life back all at once. Not the brightest idea but it felt right at the time.
My friend and I decided to go for a larch/mountain goat hunt (visually, no guns) before they lost their splendor and we'd have to wait until next year. We trekked up into the Enchantments and did an overnight at Horseshoe Lake. Amazing. Truly beautiful. I wish I could make trips like that happen every weekend. The hike was difficult, especially the last part where there was 1100 gain in a mile. Made worse of course with a pack. I think it took us five hours to do seven miles. Once we hit the top, all the pain was worth it.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Woe Unto Me
Seattle finally gets a stretch of amazing weather and I land the biggest whopper of a "summer cold". I use quotation marks because the popular term does not even begin to describe the one-two punch that is an Epstein-Barr viral infection coupled with a Streptococcus pyogenes bacterial infection. I have lost three weeks of my life people, three weeks!
When I told my friend what diagnoses had come through the response was, "what are you, twelve?!". Leave it to me to get a childhood/young adult disease when I'm neither a child nor young adult. I thought I deserved a pat on the back for avoiding mono but noooooo, turns out it would have been better had I gotten it then instead of now. And not just for the lack of responsibility when you're twelve. You know how you feel after you've run up a really big hill? Not the "yeah, I did it!" feeling but the "oh wow, that was a lot harder than I thought" feeling? That was eating breakfast. Or changing clothes. Or trying to stay awake for a 90 minute movie because you don't have the brain power to do anything else. And taking a shower is on a whole other level, a whole other, more difficult level.
It is important to remember the positives.
1. For as long as I can remember, I've not slept well. Problem solved with mono. Slept like the dead for fourteen to sixteen hours a day.
2. My cat was horribly ill only a month ago and now she's better. This is great because I don't know that I would have been able to take proper care of her while I was down. She has been enjoying snuggling up to me these three weeks. That's been nice.
3. I'm not going to die, at least not from this. Better yet, I'm improving. I still need phone alarms to tell me every eight hours that I need to take an antibiotic (brain's still fuzzy) but I haven't had to take a nap in two days! My lymph nodes have reduced from strawberries to grapes and I can talk again. For two weeks I had a sore throat so awful that I became dehydrated due to the pain with swallowing. No voice for a Chatty Cathy is tough stuff.
With September around the corner the roads will once again be turned over from the teens wandering aimlessly / driving recklessly all over the roads (while texting and updating Facebook on their smart phones) back to the commuters that curse the teens as all adults are meant to do (while emailing and updating Facebook on their smart phones). Ah, the circle of life.
Here's hoping the weather stays fine for recuperated me to get in another backpacking trip!
When I told my friend what diagnoses had come through the response was, "what are you, twelve?!". Leave it to me to get a childhood/young adult disease when I'm neither a child nor young adult. I thought I deserved a pat on the back for avoiding mono but noooooo, turns out it would have been better had I gotten it then instead of now. And not just for the lack of responsibility when you're twelve. You know how you feel after you've run up a really big hill? Not the "yeah, I did it!" feeling but the "oh wow, that was a lot harder than I thought" feeling? That was eating breakfast. Or changing clothes. Or trying to stay awake for a 90 minute movie because you don't have the brain power to do anything else. And taking a shower is on a whole other level, a whole other, more difficult level.
It is important to remember the positives.
1. For as long as I can remember, I've not slept well. Problem solved with mono. Slept like the dead for fourteen to sixteen hours a day.
2. My cat was horribly ill only a month ago and now she's better. This is great because I don't know that I would have been able to take proper care of her while I was down. She has been enjoying snuggling up to me these three weeks. That's been nice.
3. I'm not going to die, at least not from this. Better yet, I'm improving. I still need phone alarms to tell me every eight hours that I need to take an antibiotic (brain's still fuzzy) but I haven't had to take a nap in two days! My lymph nodes have reduced from strawberries to grapes and I can talk again. For two weeks I had a sore throat so awful that I became dehydrated due to the pain with swallowing. No voice for a Chatty Cathy is tough stuff.
With September around the corner the roads will once again be turned over from the teens wandering aimlessly / driving recklessly all over the roads (while texting and updating Facebook on their smart phones) back to the commuters that curse the teens as all adults are meant to do (while emailing and updating Facebook on their smart phones). Ah, the circle of life.
Here's hoping the weather stays fine for recuperated me to get in another backpacking trip!
Monday, August 05, 2013
Kendall Katwalk
It only took five years of trying to hike but failing due to snow or forgetting it was there entirely to make it up to Kendall Katwalk. It's part of the PCT and a great, scenic hike to spend the better part of a day traversing. The drop-off is impressive. You can make out the dirt path in the rock face on the right of the picture.
It was doubly exciting to find the geocache up there. I almost never remember to look for nearby caches before arriving at a trailhead, where inevitably there is no cell service. Huzzah!
Red Mountain was looking mighty fine as well though my camera phone doesn't do it justice.
Looking forward to the next small adventure, hoping to make another backpacking trip. Hurray for summer!
It was doubly exciting to find the geocache up there. I almost never remember to look for nearby caches before arriving at a trailhead, where inevitably there is no cell service. Huzzah!
Red Mountain was looking mighty fine as well though my camera phone doesn't do it justice.
Looking forward to the next small adventure, hoping to make another backpacking trip. Hurray for summer!
Backpacking's triumphant return!
Finally had a spare Saturday so I ventured to Headlight Basin with some friends a couple of weekends ago. It was great to get out again and I was reminded of just how heavy a pack is with what seemed like only the bare essentials. The only thing I could think to take out was food, but I always over-pack food.
I enjoy seeing wildlife when out and about and backpacking is no exception. I prefer, generally, to see wildlife at a distance. Not an option on this trip. There were 20-30 mountain goats roaming the basin and they were not shy around people. This is disconcerting for a number of reasons. The most amusing one is that they are salt fiends (who knew?!). When the need arises, hikers are advised to urinate on rocks to avoid needless destruction of vegetation by salty-urine-seeking goats. While the females on this trip utilized a nearby, secluded back-country privy the lone male flaunted his ability to urinate in the open with minimal risk of exposure. HA! A goat appeared out of nowhere and charged in his direction so quickly that to avoid a confrontation activities were suspended mid-stream followed by an adrenaline fueled flight back to camp.
It was a bit buggy (netting worked like a charm!) but otherwise a very pleasant evening with Zombie Dice and camp margaritas. Mt. Stuart was lovely, especially at sunset when the west face was all pink with alpenglow. And that is when all heat left the world, or at least left me.
The trip reminded me (yet again) that I am incapable of thermo-regulation. If I am moving, I am warm. If I am not moving, I am freezing. This did not bode well for an overnighter in the 50s. Most people would be fine. I however, retreated into my tent after dinner, put all my clothes on, climbed into my zero degree Fahrenheit bag, and tried to sleep. Now, I've had people tell me that in a down bag you are supposed to go in with very little clothing to be the warmest possible you, kind of like lying skin to skin with someone will warm them up faster. Lies I tell you, lies! Maybe with a buddy that works but I've never experienced warmth solo unless I was rugged up so only my nose peeks out of the bag.
The winds during the night whipped up the fine dust upon which we had made our camp and the front half of the inside of my tent (only one vestibule at the front) was completely coated in a fine layer come morning. Luckily backpacking tents are light and a few quick shakes took care of the worst of it. The benefit to a not so sound night's sleep was that I had a baby unveiling to get back to in Seattle and I got a nice, early start. Made it home in plenty of time to shower and even do a load of laundry before running off to see the three week old wonder. She was gorgeous, sweet, and let me hold her for ages before declaring me unfit company. Successful weekend!
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Grey Gardens
I'd honestly never heard of Grey Gardens or Little Edie before going to see this musical theater production. The last performance my theater buddy and I had gone too was Flashdance and I was sad that I hadn't thought to dress up a bit for it. You know, a demure neon green leg warmer or something. So in the fifteen minutes I had to dress for the evening's performance before my ride arrived I texted for suggestions. This was the response:
"you should wear a scarf on your head"
"the best thing is to wear pantyhose or some pants under a short skirt, I think"
And this is what I came up with. Not bad, right?
Gotta love Seattle, I don't think anyone looked at me askance. The show was great, just like watching the youtube clips. If you've got some time to kill and want to learn about Little Edie and her mother...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzlsG26zpNohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGTW2InfnOchttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUdlH9SPWOIhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtsM-rYG2UI Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Long Time No See
So... it's been a while.
I had decided that I was too searchable on the web and wanted to have a little less presence, be a little less blog available. Mission accomplished. I've had a change of heart, mostly because I miss putting my thoughts down on "paper". Quite a bit has happened since the hand pies of 2010 but I'll just hit the highlight reel.
2011
This was a very rough year for me. That's basically all I remember. I'm sure there were happy moments but only the thorns stick out in my memory.
Thorn 1 & 2: Room and Board
The company I worked for was bought out and us employees were made to wait six months for a site decision. The decision was to come after my apartment lease came up for renewal. Moving to a place that could be covered by unemployment insurance sounded like a good idea. In total, I moved four times that year, each place worse than the last. This is considerable as the first move involved a house with a sustained internal temperature of forty-six degrees. While I did not end up losing my job, I put in so many hours at work that I had all three meals, every day, at my desk for more time than I would like to admit. As a thank you for this effort, management gave me a Starbucks gift card with $20 to spend. My friend said I should be thankful for that but all I could think was, "Screw you company!".
Thorn 3: Love Rollercoaster
I ended what I thought had been a most promising relationship (but aren't they all promising until they aren't?). Sigh.
2012
I had high hopes for this year. I was emotionally drained and close to a break down at year end and clung to the belief that my family trip to Australia for six weeks would restore my soul. It took two and a half weeks before I felt like something other than a caged animal. Calm. And then the storm raged anew. Fifteen people in Tante B's house for Christmas. The table looked like a feast at Hogwarts and we were just as merry.
The cousins got a cooking lesson from Oma for her berlina recipe.
I took a stab at surfing.
I came to know the glory that is the passion fruit.
The return to winter and home was not appreciated but things just HAD to be better than my life a few short months before. I moved into a rental house with a roommate I'd never met before I responded to the ad. I tried to change everything about my life so I could enjoy it to the fullest. I played in the garden of the rental house, a lot. I subscribed to the opera, the 5th, the Paramount, National Geographic lectures, the symphony, the Sounders, and attended various Town Hall events. I limited work to forty-five hours a week. I returned to online dating and cast my net wide, meeting anyone that sounded nice instead of trying to have all my criteria checked off before the first date. It was an experience, a tour de force.
I had decided that I was too searchable on the web and wanted to have a little less presence, be a little less blog available. Mission accomplished. I've had a change of heart, mostly because I miss putting my thoughts down on "paper". Quite a bit has happened since the hand pies of 2010 but I'll just hit the highlight reel.
2011
This was a very rough year for me. That's basically all I remember. I'm sure there were happy moments but only the thorns stick out in my memory.
Thorn 1 & 2: Room and Board
The company I worked for was bought out and us employees were made to wait six months for a site decision. The decision was to come after my apartment lease came up for renewal. Moving to a place that could be covered by unemployment insurance sounded like a good idea. In total, I moved four times that year, each place worse than the last. This is considerable as the first move involved a house with a sustained internal temperature of forty-six degrees. While I did not end up losing my job, I put in so many hours at work that I had all three meals, every day, at my desk for more time than I would like to admit. As a thank you for this effort, management gave me a Starbucks gift card with $20 to spend. My friend said I should be thankful for that but all I could think was, "Screw you company!".
Thorn 3: Love Rollercoaster
I ended what I thought had been a most promising relationship (but aren't they all promising until they aren't?). Sigh.
2012
I had high hopes for this year. I was emotionally drained and close to a break down at year end and clung to the belief that my family trip to Australia for six weeks would restore my soul. It took two and a half weeks before I felt like something other than a caged animal. Calm. And then the storm raged anew. Fifteen people in Tante B's house for Christmas. The table looked like a feast at Hogwarts and we were just as merry.
The cousins got a cooking lesson from Oma for her berlina recipe.
I took a stab at surfing.
Surfing took a stab at me.
I saw the Great Barrier Reef which brought me my first snorkel, SCUBA, and heat stroke (almost).
My most serene moment was snorkeling on my own (don't worry, the boat captain was watching out for me) above the Stepping Stones in the Whitsundays and being completely surrounded by an enormous school of tiny, silvery fish. The way they moved was like watching a candle flame flicker in the wind, only I was the wind. I held as still as possible, not even breathing, wanting to stay there forever.
Broulee was not as I remembered. The waves loomed larger and the shells more numerous when I was a kid. This didn't stop me from beach combing and getting a righteous sunburn while in pursuit of the itty bitty seashells from childhood visits to Oma and Opa. The contrast of angry red and pasty pale was so stark you could make out the squiggles of my bikini tie. The house that Opa built was also foreign. Is it the amount of time between making memories that changes things or is it that the details that are important to me as a child are so different from those as an adult? Either way the beach trip was a restorative step on my path to happiness.
Melbourne was my time to myself. Nine splendid days of doing something or nothing, whenever, however I chose. I read. I walked. I got lost. I bought summer clothes that I'll be able to wear one day of the year in Seattle. It was lovely, truly lovely.
View from the Melbourne condo.
Before I knew it, Autumn strolled in on her red carpet and ushered in a new phase of my life along with the changing season. Over the previous couple of years I had been experiencing a higher than average number of sick days (for me). I attributed my fatigue and stomach discomfort to stress, a known cause of many ill symptoms, and I had experienced a fare share of emotional stress. From August to October pain and discomfort became almost constant. I'm used to a level of chronic pain with my knees and headaches but this was unbearable. With tears I begged my doctor to figure out what was happening to me. I hate crying in front of people. Every celiac test came back positive.
O.
M.
G.
While grateful for a diagnosis that would allow me to control my symptoms, I was devastated. Gluten is like high fructose corn syrup. It hides in the most unsuspecting places and it is one of the more fabulous components of food items. I embraced the new diet with as much gusto as I could muster, and plunged into the GF life with all my hopes riding on this diagnosis.
2013
My pain decreased remarkably (hurray!) with my new diet but my quality of life deteriorated. One gluten free restaurant crêpe incident left me in tears on the couch for three days because there were too many stairs between my bed and the bathroom. The pain was remarkable. Just because it is gluten free does not mean it is celiac friendly. I didn't go out to eat for at least a month and had to swallow my fear every time I took a bite from someone else's kitchen for at least two more.
I started to replace my hunger cravings for bready things with yogurt and cheese type items. A noticeable decrease in GI happiness was the result. Turns out dairy free and gluten free go hand in hand. Now I'm a celiac vegan carnivore. This was particularly amusing to me as I had watched a friend go through gluten free shenanigans in 2006 and I declared forcefully, "If I'm ever diagnosed as a celiac and lactose intolerant I'll kill myself." Brie and a baguette is my favorite meal. I had only discovered the joy of challah bread as french toast in 2011. What do you eat if cereal crops and dairy are off the table, literally?
I'd like to strike my suicidal statement from the record.
I have found things to eat, obviously. I will not starve and I will enjoy my food. As most commercial products contain some form of wheat, cooking from scratch has become mandatory. I thought this would be more healthy, and on some level I'm sure it is, but I rely on bacon and eggs for more meals than is truly necessary. I'm trying not to picture what my arteries look like inside. A highlight here is that I've thought I was allergic to eggs since college. Now I can eat them as much as I want with no side effects. This is huge as eggs are a great binder for recipes.
I'm still learning how to cope.
It would be great if the substitutions people came up with were for more than baked desserts. I want to feel full, not pack my day with ultra processed gf flours and sugar. The most amazing thing in all this is that I live in Seattle. I feel like this way of life would be ten times more difficult in most other areas of the country, or the world. Thank you hippie foodie Seattle-ites. Thank you vegans. Thank you paleo people. Thank you vegetarians. You have paved the way for unadulterated, fresh food for me to eat. I ate some delicious vegan coconut milk ice cream with fake chocolate chips today. I have fake butter in my fridge that dairy eatin' folk can't tell the difference (Earth Balance - you are amazing). There are at least three different types of yummy kale to choose from at my ridiculously expensive grocery stores. I'm learning to love potatoes with olive oil and am eating more veggies than ever. Soy yogurt is actually appealing now and almond milk can rock a smoothie. Of course I'm writing this as I polish off a bag of corn chips (certified gluten free!).
Hope is on the horizon.
A common side effect of this diagnosis is that while my gut is healing I am more susceptible to illness and that when I do get sick, I'll be sick for longer and have more pronounced symptoms than normal, whatever that is. An informal poll of acquaintances and the Internet has suggested that my reactions and tolerance will stabilize after a couple of years. Also within this timeline, there is a distinct possibility that I'll be able to have dairy again. Every day this is what keeps me going.
So think Fievel thoughts for me and don't be offended if I ask to dig your food containers out of the trash and recycle to look for hidden gluten ingredients.
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